When we hope in the right person, and listen to his instruction often, we should expect others to be attracted to do the same. Why wouldn’t they be? God is giving us garlands and pendants.

For they are a graceful garland to your head
And pendants for your neck (Prov 1:9).

My beautiful wife Erin doesn’t wear a lot of jewelry, but she does have that one pearl necklace for special occasions. I won’t go into too much detail about it, but hooo boy!

Wisdom’s Powerful Influence

True wisdom is attractive. It is like jewelry that beautifies. It attracts others by holding up the beauty and blessings of wisdom’s path. If we are truly becoming wise, then others around us should see that wisdom and be drawn to it. You can’t keep it to yourself.

For example, I have been involved in churches where the elders are such wise and godly leaders that I make up stuff to talk about just so that I can be around them and learn from them! When I see a group of people loitering with one of those elders, I find a way to get myself in on that conversation because I know that “pearls of wisdom” will drip from his lips, sneak into my ears, and infiltrate my heart. I will become a better person simply by hanging out with those who are really wise.

Unfortunately there are often times when we (even as leaders, teachers, and parents) truly love Jesus but have stopped listening to him regularly and thus have little influence in the lives of others. Maybe we go into lecture mode and fail to draw others out (Jas 1:19-21). Perhaps we think people ought to pay attention to us because of our leadership position, when the Bible says real influence flows from our wise and godly character (1 Cor 10:32-11:1; Phm 8-10). Maybe we’ve plateaued in our walk with Christ, and we are no longer growing in wisdom. Whatever the issue is, we haven’t made the effort to become biblically wise, and then we wonder why no one listens to our opinions or why our children rebel.

Wisdom’s Attractive Influence

The greatest struggles in my marriage usually center on money issues. In our best moments, when we acquire some unexpected funds, my gut instinct is to give them away, and Erin’s gut instinct is to save them for the future (especially for our children). Both instincts are biblically informed and reasonably selfless. Yet every time the situation arises, we must make a decision on what to do. How should we go about it?

One way I could do it is to make a power play. “Well Darling, I’m the head of this household. So here is what I think we should do….” I’ve tried this method before, but it rarely results in the swoons and contented sighs I expect. Nor has she said, “I’m so glad to have such a wise husband to make these difficult decisions for me.” But other tactics have been more helpful.

1. I try to listen to her: “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame” (Pr 18:13).
2. I attempt to draw out her concerns: “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out” (Pr 20:5).
3. I consider first how I need to change before we can make a good decision on this issue: “Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him” (Pr 26:12).
4. I seek to approach any faulty thinking I see in her in a way that lowers her defenses rather than raising them. This tactic requires me to know what serves her: “A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle” (Pr 18:19). For Erin, this means that I introduce any criticism with “I love you, and it’s just a small thing, but…”
5. In the rare cases when I have actually followed through on these wise principles, she usually wants to follow my lead! “They are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck” (Pr 1:9).

If you are a parent or leader of any sort, would you prefer for your children, students, or congregation members to follow your influence only when they have no other option, and then pull away from you once they do? Or would you prefer for them to be so attracted to the godly wisdom they find in you that they’re always coming back for more?

Let’s commit to trusting in Christ, seeking him daily, and transforming our world for his glory.

This post was first published in 2012.