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When Small Group Members Are Reluctant to Participate

March 15, 2021 By Ryan Higginbottom

Many small group Bible study leaders face long periods of silence during their meetings. They ask a question. They get no answer.

This awkwardness may be due to the quality of their question. Asking a good question that provokes thoughtful responses is hard! Unanswered questions may also be due to an atmosphere in the group that stifles interaction.

The last reason I’ve offered for these silent stretches is the people in the group. Some people are simply reluctant to participate.

Let’s be clear: People are not a problem to fix. Rather, it is our job as leaders to love our people.

Outside of Group Meetings

There are scores of reasons for people to be hesitant to engage in discussion about the Bible. These reasons may spring from bad experiences, feelings of inadequacy, or even social anxiety.

A small group leader should not guess or assume what’s going on. They should get to know their group members outside of the group meetings.

Relationships take time and effort, but a little can go a long way. Phone calls, emails, and conversations over coffee can help to break down barriers and build trust, friendship, and understanding.

With specific attention to small group discussion, these outside-the-meeting conversations can offer a lot of missing information. Group members can open up about their experiences, and they may be willing to share why they don’t often engage in the conversation.

If you are a small group leader trying to get to know their people outside of the group meetings, I have two broad pieces of advice. First, emphasize how much you value their presence in the group. Whether or not they participate, their membership in your small community counts.

You might also ask how you could make the discussion more helpful to them. The quiet members of your group may have insights about the group and your leadership that you haven’t considered.

These reluctant friends should know that you value any contribution they make and that you are eager for them to engage more—if and when they are comfortable doing so.

During Group Meetings

Getting to know members of a small group is a huge step forward, and it will help leaders during small group Bible study meetings.

It’s not hard to find gradual ways to involve members in the conversation. We can ask them to read portions of Scripture, to summarize the conversation from the previous meeting, or to answer some easier/observation questions. In this way we can build up the confidence of our quieter friends and help them feel more comfortable in the group.

Another strategy for involving quieter group members is to call on them by name (instead of throwing a question out to the whole group). We should only do this if we know in advance this won’t embarrass anyone, and we can even contact the person ahead of time and ask for permission and/or share the question we plan to ask them. When calling on a person by name, I usually include an easy way for them to politely decline to answer.

If our group members know that we love them, and if we’ve created a good climate in our group, then regular, gentle encouragement will go a long way toward bringing people into the conversation.

While some people can and should be encouraged to take risks and participate, others should not. Part of getting to know the people in our groups involves knowing why they don’t often speak and whether or not that reason is an area for encouraging Christian growth. For example, a young woman who doesn’t speak because she is afraid of being wrong is different than a thirty-something man whose reluctance springs from persistent migraine headaches. We should work with and encourage the former while being understanding and patient with the latter. Love and leadership takes many forms!

Conclusion

Small group Bible studies come in a thousand different forms, and each group member offers something different. The best group leaders will get to know their friends well and encourage them to contribute when they are able.

Creating an Atmosphere for Discussion in Your Small Group

March 1, 2021 By Ryan Higginbottom

Most Bible studies are marked by periods of silence that last just a little too long.

These silences usually happen when the group leader asks a bad question. I’ve recently written about the characteristics of a good question, and I’ve provided some examples.

Now we turn to another reason for unanswered questions: a group atmosphere that discourages interaction.

A Bad Atmosphere

The culture of any group takes a lot of time and effort to create, but after the culture is established a lot of decisions and behaviors become automatic. When everyone is expected to share prayer requests or stay afterward to play Backgammon, those activities develop into part of the routine.

A small group leader should aim to create a group atmosphere in which deep, vibrant conversation is expected. When this is the air we breathe, few good questions will go unanswered.

Creating a Good Atmosphere

A small group leader has an enormous influence on the group’s culture. There are at least four ways a leader can work to create a climate that encourages good discussion.

A Leader Must Value Discussion

Perhaps this is obvious, but a small group leader needs to value discussion in order for it to happen. They need to be convinced it is actually good—both for the group and for the leader—to have conversation in the group.

Many leaders know that the question-and-answer model is expected, but deep down they resent it. They think the group would be better off if they could share their knowledge without interruption—and a brain-to-brain download would be even more efficient!

Having attended classes and small groups for twenty-some years, I can tell when a leader values discussion and when they are just playing a part. And, if you’re a leader, trust me—your friends can tell whether or not you want to hear from them.

Hear this, leaders: Conversation is the best way for your group members to learn and grow. And discussion is also better than lecturing for you, as a leader. Your friends are not the only ones who need to listen, engage, and learn!

A Leader Must Invite Discussion

Inviting discussion is different than tolerating or even welcoming it. Leaders who value discussion will invite it from their group members—regularly and emphatically.

How does a leader invite discussion? They ask for it. They work hard to write good questions. And they thank their group members (both during and after the meeting) for their participation.

A small group leader should also look forward to conversation with their group, and they should say so. They should note the ways they learn and benefit from their friends’ insights, comments, and questions.

A Leader Must Engage in Discussion With Love

A great indicator of how much a leader values discussion is the way they listen and react when discussion actually happens. If conversation serves only as filler in the leader’s mind, they will be impatient or inattentive when others are talking. If this sort of leader is listening at all, it’s only to spot another opportunity to speak.

Our posture, our eye contact, our expressions, and our engagement with answers from our friends all communicate our desire (or lack of desire) for discussion.

Now, leaders need to be prepared to field some off-the-wall comments. We should be gracious in response, praising what is praiseworthy without affirming every point. This takes care, because a leader’s bad reaction to an answer will squash any further discussion during that meeting (and possibly for meetings to come).

When a small group member hijacks the conversation or shuts it down, the leader may need to speak with that person privately to explain how their behavior is affecting the group. And if this persists, that leader may need to ask questions targeted at (or away from) specific members of the group.

A Leader Must Pray

Though this item is last in my list, it is first in importance. A good small group leader should pray about all aspects of their group, and this includes the in-meeting discussion.

If we believe that the Holy Spirit is needed to understand and benefit from the Bible, and if we believe that the interaction offered in a small group study is vital for gaining this benefit, then we should regularly bring this request before the Lord.

Clearer Skies

The atmosphere in a small group Bible study can be like smog in a big city, choking out all possibility of vibrant conversation. But with some adjustments, a leader can aim for the blue skies and fresh air of wide, open spaces, where discussion will flourish and Christians can grow mightily in the Lord.

We May Need to Stop Talking About the Bible

September 26, 2018 By Peter Krol

This thoughtful article by Cole Brown challenges our small groups to stop talking about the Bible so the Bible might talk to us. He writes:

There can be a strong force in these groups that pulls the discussion away from what the text clearly and most centrally says in order to focus on various tangential parts that are much less clear.

I believe this strong pull stems from two things: first, our own fleshly desire to hide ourselves and protect our sin; and second, spiritual forces that desire to keep God’s people at a distance from the lasting transformation of God’s Word.

As group participants, we instinctively know that if we focus on what the text most clearly and most centrally says, then we will have to talk about how it confronts us personally. But if we can avoid talking about what is clearly stated in the text, then we’re able to talk about the Bible for hours—without ever actually being confronted personally by its content. This is false piety at its pinnacle.

It’s common for entire conversations to focus on questions the text does not even attempt to answer. Theory, theology, and hypothetical questions are debated and discussed. So are ways other Christians (or non-Christians) fail to honor the text.

All of this gives group members the impression of having interacted with the Bible, when in reality they’ve avoided its penetrating light. No wonder this approach is more likely to produce Pharisees than mature disciples.

As long as those who attend the groups in our churches are talking about the Bible, the Bible cannot talk to them. Intentionally or not, human nature will lull us into using Scripture to keep us from being seen for who we really are, and from being transformed into who we ought to be.

Brown goes on to suggest asking more response questions than discussion questions to help group members submit to the clear and central meaning of the text. This is well worth considering.

Check it out!

Don’t Be Like This Guy

August 9, 2017 By Peter Krol

And for something a little light-hearted, check out this satirical report on the “Home Bible Study Leader Asks If Anyone Else Has Any Blatant Heresy They’d Like To Share.”

Check it out!

HT: Caleb Olshefsky

How to Ruin a Small Group Discussion in 4 Easy Steps

July 13, 2015 By Ryan Higginbottom

You know what’s fun? Ruining good things. Like squirting mustard on ice cream. Or playing The Four Seasons on kazoos.

A good Bible study group can be a blessing to the people who attend—so let’s put a stop to that. Since many benefits of a small group come through the interaction between group members, we’ll focus our disruptive energy there.

Susan Sermoneta (2005), Creative Commons License

Having a fruitful, Bible-centered discussion is hard—many details must fall into place, and several people need to catch the same vision. But ruining a discussion is easy. It takes only one person! Just a few of the techniques below will do the trick.

Hijack the Discussion

Like any conversation, Bible study discussions can be spoiled with a simple disregard for manners.

So here’s the first suggestion: Drive the conversation off topic. It doesn’t matter where you steer—just yank the wheel. If you’re a novice, turn the discussion to yourself: your history, fears, afflictions, regrets, or heroes. With some practice, you’ll be ready for the next level: introducing issues that appear to be on-topic. For example, when studying one of Paul’s prayers, question how prayer works instead of discussing the substance of his prayer.

Achieve expert status by using controversial topics. Season your remarks with hot-button issues for maximum distraction. Be careful not to visit the same well too often lest you become the end-times guy and your leader nip your efforts in the bud.

Shut Down the Discussion

If you’re serious about ruining a conversation, put yourself above the group. Here are two ways to assert your importance.

First, monopolize the discussion. When the leader asks a question, jump right in. Ramble through your responses, and leave little time for others. (Pro tip: Avoid eye contact with your leader. Good leaders can warn monopolizers with a look.)

Second, spurn the discussion. Broadcast your disdain lest anyone think you’re just quiet. Hold your head in your hands. Sigh. Yawn. Communicate that the questions are either ridiculous or beneath you. Create a distraction without going so far that you’re asked to leave.

Starve the Discussion

Lively, significant discussions need an engaged, honest group. A wise leader will start the game of catch, but he shouldn’t need the ball often.

To maim the discussion, keep the dialogue shallow. Don’t listen to others or follow up after any responses. Push the conversation in academic or intellectual directions. Insulate yourself and others from applying the Bible or discovering where application is needed.

Cripple the Discussion

It’s time for your trump card. Instead of just being impolite, the most insidious way to demolish a small group discussion is to misuse the Bible.

Ignore your Bible. Give your “gut response” to questions. Talk about “what the passage means to me.” Don’t ask anyone to justify their answer from the Bible, and learn to deflect if this question comes to you.

Give Sunday school answers. Most answers in a first-grade Sunday School class are either “God,” “sin,” “love,” “trust in Jesus,” “be nice to my sister,” or “obey my parents.” Grab some of these or their grown-up equivalents (“read the Bible,” “focus on the Lord”), and let the clichés commence. Offer Christian-sounding responses without the trouble of engaging the text.

Invoke your Bible’s study notes. Don’t use the notes as an aid—assert them as a final authority. This is most effective when the notes contradict a recent response.

Chase cross references. When your leader asks an interpretive question, blurt out some verses from your Bible’s cross references. Don’t look at the context; you only need the same English word in both places.

Don’t study the Bible. As a summary, this suggestion is your most powerful tool. Make sure that you don’t observe, interpret, or apply the Bible with any care or concern. Also, stay away from certain blogs that promote these behaviors.

8 Effects of a Wise Leader’s Words

November 7, 2014 By Peter Krol

When you lead a Bible study, you quickly discover that people are different. And when your meeting consists primarily of discussion, people’s differences can make things messy. It’s not hard to find good advice for moderating the messiness (such as how to confront conversation hijackers or redirect discussion detours), so I won’t repeat such advice here. Instead I’d like to reflect on the effects of wise words.

The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence. (Prov 10:11)

The lips of the righteous feed many, but fools die for lack of sense. (Prov 10:21)

Drew Bennett (2008), Creative Commons

The righteous wisdom from God is a great blessing for the people of God, because those with such wisdom on their lips “feed many.” Thus, I’d rather attend one Bible study led by a master sage whose godliness disinfects any mess, than a hundred Bible studies led by an inquisitive guru who has memorized all the proper techniques. The wisdom of God demands that we not only do wise things (Prov 1:2-3) but also become wise people (Prov 1:4-6). Thankfully, the Lord has made the evidence of such wisdom easily observable so we can search it out and increase our risk of contamination.

1. Wise Words Deliver

With his mouth the godless man would destroy his neighbor, but by knowledge the righteous are delivered. (Prov 11:9)

Wise leaders speak knowledge that delivers. Repentance and faith take root. Conflict resolves. Lives change.

2. Wise Words Delight

To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is! (Prov 15:23. See also Prov 16:24, 24:24-26, 25:25)

When wise leaders speak, people rejoice. Seasonal words can’t be programmed; they merely flow from a heart conditioned to consider others’ needs more than its own.

3. Wise Words Gladden

Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. (Prov 12:25)

The difference between this point and the previous one is the difference between a process and its result. If you want those you lead to find delight, you’ll need to learn how to go about encouraging them through their dark moments. This “good word” that gladdens has very little to do with getting the sentiments exactly right. It has everything to do with listening, asking questions, and letting yourself feel what they feel. Often, the good news comes when they find they don’t have to suffer and groan alone (Rom 8:22-27).

4. Wise Words Heal

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. (Prov 16:24.)

Wise leaders speak hope that not only rescues from sin but also directs toward righteousness. Such heart surgery is the Christian’s highest health. Sometimes we misdefine “healing” as “freedom to stew and to speak every angry thought you’ve had toward the person who offended you.” But true spiritual healing stands in stark contrast to such violent sword thrusts (Prov 12:18).

5. Wise Words Defuse

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Prov 15:1)

When a wise leader gets involved, tempers dissipate and misunderstood people learn to seek understanding. A wise teacher won’t refute an opposing viewpoint unless the opponent would agree his position has been represented fairly. Generalizations are not overused, and particularizations are not asinine.

6. Wise Words Persuade

The wise of heart is called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness. (Prov 16:21. See also Prov 16:23.)

Wise leaders have a reputation for distinguishing truth from error. People in need of help seek them out and ask for their opinions. Such leaders can pinpoint main ideas, use accurate labels, predict actions’ consequences, and enumerate clear recommendations. And hungry souls find such speech extraordinarily sweet.

7. Wise Words Inspire

The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly. (Prov 15:2. See also Prov 15:7.)

When good leaders adorn the truth with beauty, people discover a thirst they didn’t know they had. The knowledge of God becomes more desirable, and folly looks not only foolish but also repellent.

8. Wise Words Influence

Righteous lips are the delight of a king, and he loves him who speaks what is right. (Prov 16:13)

Sometimes we worry about what people think of us, and we should repent. But other times we don’t think about it enough, and we should. People can love you for the wrong reasons, and they can also love you for the right reasons. The problem is not with the love but with the reasons. Do they think of you as someone who speaks what is right? Do people follow your leadership because they have to, or because they want to?

By all means, please learn good techniques for leading Bible study discussions. But more importantly, please gain lips of wisdom.

Question: What are your next steps for developing a heart and mouth of wisdom?

Sample Bible Study Leader’s Notes

June 13, 2014 By Peter Krol

Last Friday, I listed 5 practices for preparing effective Bible studies.

Depend on the Lord
Figure out what God has said
Allow the message to change you
Decide how to lead your group toward what God has said
Consider the beginning

My notes for leading a discussion on Exodus 12:29-13:16

This week, I offer a sample fruit of this model. Here are the notes I created to help me lead a recent Bible study[1]. You may want to open these notes in another window to follow along as I walk through them.

Background

I led this study for my church small group that met in my home. Our group met weekly, though we held a Bible study at only 2 or 3 of those meetings each month. We began studying the book of Exodus in August, and this study on Exodus 12:29-13:16 was our next-to-last study before breaking for the summer. (We live in a university town, so our lives are ones of utter enslavement to the academic calendar.) We ended with a climactic study on the Red Sea crossing (Exodus 13:17-14:31).

Our group consisted of a few undergraduate students, a few young singles, a few young families, and a few divorcées. We have a good mix of genders, generations, and life situations represented.

My expectations for the study were that participants would read the passage before the meeting and spend some time thinking about the following questions:

What happened that Passover night?
How are the Israelites to remember that night?
Why are they to remember that night?

They were also supposed to sign up to bring something for dinner, but you probably don’t need to know that.

The Bible study part of the meeting lasted 1 hour. We didn’t read the text, but dove right into the discussion.

Launching Question

The first 2 minutes of the study are the most important (see Practice #5 in last week’s post), so I set the tone with this question:

What is the most important thing you would like to be remembered for in the future?

Though this was my first question, it was the very last thing I prepared. Everything else on this page of notes came first, as I studied the passage and grappled with the structure, main point, and list of questions to stimulate discussion.

Once I knew where I wanted to go, I was ready to construct the beginning. I wanted a strong question that would get us thinking about applying the main point of the passage, but without giving the whole thing away too soon.

After 2 or 3 minutes of sharing about what we want to be remembered for, we were ready to hit the text.

Main Point

I keep this item at the top of my notes, because it’s the most important thing for us to get to. The discussion was pretty fluid as people would observe many details in the text and ask interpretive questions. But, though the discussion was fluid, I made sure to steer it in the right direction.

By putting the main point at the top, I’m more likely to make sure we get to it. Ideally, most of what comes up in the discussion will move us toward this point. And the study climaxes when we arrive here.

But sometimes, the group discovers a slightly different main point on its own. In those cases, I won’t require them to conclude what I wrote in my notes. I’ll be open and responsive to the text. I must hold my conclusions loosely if the evidence suggests a better alternative.

Supporting Truths

This section of the notes lays out the building blocks for the main point.

First, I list key themes in the passage (“This very day is special…”). Second, I outline the passage by discovering the main point of each paragraph. Third, I make sure to consider how the passage connects to the mission of Jesus Christ.

In the meeting, I don’t walk through these items. They’re in my notes to serve as reminders. When the discussion gets close to something in this section, I want to take advantage of the opportunity to lead the people there.

Observation/Interpretation Questions to help lead to main point

In this section of the notes I list the questions that I will use to stimulate discussion. In this case, I had emailed these questions to the group before the meeting, so I was able to work through them in order. Each question led to a treasure trove of observation and interpretation of the text. I won’t let people get away with an answer without mentioning a verse number or a specific observation that supports what they say.

Applications

This section of the notes lists a range of possible application questions I could ask the group. I rarely have time to ask all of them, but I want to be prepared to lead the group in many different directions.

We want to make both inward and outward application. We should consider head, heart, and hands. And we can consider both individual and corporate application. I try to hit every one of these areas over time, since we’re rarely able to hit every area in every study.

Conclusion

So you can see I don’t use these notes as a script, but as a prompter. I plan the launching question and the first observation question, and then I hope for the best and do what I can to keep us moving toward the main point and application. And I pray, of course. Always pray!

———————-

[1]This model for preparing and leading a Bible study is heavily influenced by Colin Marshall’s terrific book, Growth Groups.

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Why have Bible studies?

March 21, 2014 By Peter Krol

Bible studies—as I use the term—are groups of people actively engaged in mutual examination of the text of Scripture. Bible studies differ from sermons, classroom lectures, and informal instruction in that they primarily consist of group discussion. Bible studies can be terrifying, because you never know what people will say. There’s always inherent potential for losing control of the discussion. And for this reason, many people fear them.

But though it’s unscripted, the discussion doesn’t have to be uncontrollable. Though open-ended, it doesn’t have to be directionless. Though interrogative, it can still be powerfully declarative.

Bible studies have something going for them that few sermons or personal quiet times can achieve: Interaction. This is the chief advantage of Bible studies.

Interact SpA (2009), Creative Commons

Because of interaction, we can identify what part of the teaching is hitting the mark. We can adjust on the spot to make better use of what’s connecting with people’s hearts. We can jettison whatever is unhelpful in the moment.

Because of interaction, we can measure how people are responding to the text. We get a good idea of what to follow up on in personal conversations.

Because of interaction, we can see the fruits of faith or unbelief. We can often gauge where people are in their walks with the Lord as we see them directly interacting with his word.

Because of interaction, we can directly address difficult topics. Some issues are considered impolite for pleasant conversation, but they may find safe harbor in an engaging Bible discussion. For example:

“What are some bad spending habits that we should repent of?”
“How can you be a more Christ-like father or mother?”
“Last week you mentioned how stressed out you were. How does today’s passage speak to your stress?”
“What does Jesus say about how to receive eternal life? How would that affect your life if it were true?”

Because of interaction, we get VIP access to the greatest show on earth: the softening of human hearts. Sometimes we’ll see people change their minds or their convictions over the course of a single discussion. At other times, it will take place over weeks or months. Sometimes we’ll simply see the change in attitude or character, and the changed person won’t even be aware of the difference yet.

Because of interaction, we can multiply our ministries. Through discussions, we can teach people how to study the Bible for themselves. We can train assistant leaders who will eventually lead their own Bible studies. We can coach people in particular skills like small talk, asking questions, listening attentively, or sharing vulnerably.

Because of interaction, people often feel respected and appreciated. This encourages higher levels of commitment and risk.

Because of interaction, we can better understand and help others to feel understood. God, who knows all things, chose to interact with Adam and not merely declare truth to him: “Where are you?” (Gen 3:9). Jesus, who knew what was in the heart of a man, chose to interact and draw out others’ thoughts: “Are you asking yourselves what I meant?” (John 16:19).

As we consider further how to lead effective Bible studies, let’s not lose sight of our chief advantage.

Question: What other benefits derive from the interactive nature of Bible discussions? I appreciate your interaction on this topic!

How to Lead A Great Bible Study

February 21, 2014 By Peter Krol

A few nights ago, our church small group met in our home, and we had one of the most engaging and encouraging Bible studies in the history of the group. Since I didn’t lead the discussion, I was able to reflect on what made the discussion so effective.

Steel Wool (2009), Creative Commons

I now offer you the fruit of my musings.

1. Know Your Point

The leader came to the study with a clear grasp of the text’s main point. He knew exactly where he wanted the group to end up.

2. Ask Good Questions

There’s a place for lecture, and there’s a place for interactive instruction. The key to fostering constructive interaction is to ask good questions. When have you experienced such leadership before? What kinds of questions encourage you to engage in the discussion? And you know what sort of questions shut down the discussion, don’t you?

3. Set a Direction

The leader led. He didn’t let the group meander through the conversation. He didn’t just wing it. He set a course, and he began moving along it.

4. Respond to the Group

Though the leader set a direction, he did not drag the group with him. He didn’t leash the discussion or get insecure when it swerved unexpectedly. He kept us moving toward the main point, but he didn’t control the group’s pathway toward that main point. I’m sure we ended up exactly where he wanted us, but we felt all along like we had gotten there ourselves.

5. Stay in the Text

Here’s the silver bullet. The text provides self-corrective measures to a group prone to tangents. A leader who keeps the people in the text doesn’t have to fear unpredictable discussion. As soon as the discussion gets off-topic, the leader can ask, “So how do you see that in the text?” and get things back online.

6. Clarify the Point

The leader took us to the text’s main point, and then he camped out there. He didn’t pursue every possible theological or interpretive quandary. He got us to the main point, and he had us restate the point numerous times. Then he took us to Christ and on into application.

7. Broaden Application

The leader had more than one application in mind. He had prepared a series of questions about our thinking, character, and behaviors. He had considered applications for both individuals and the group. He had considered how the text should impact our engagement with the world around us. In the end, he didn’t ask every question he had prepared, but he had a broad range of ideas in place so he could respond to whichever topics connected best with the group.

8. Specify Application

The leader didn’t let us get away with clichés or vague principles. He asked good follow-up questions that made us get more specific.

These are not the only eight things leaders can do; they just stood out to me after this week’s study. And my intention is not to ignore the impact of character or knowledge on one’s leadership.

But if we had more leaders who practiced these skills to the glory of God, people would be far more interested in going to Bible studies.