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Jesus the Offender’s Hope

March 24, 2014 By Peter Krol

For a few weeks, we’ve examined the serious consequences of sexual immorality in Proverbs 6:20-35. Before moving on to Proverbs 7, we should take one last look at immorality’s consequences and remember how they fell upon our Savior Jesus. We, who fall for immorality’s promises and deserve to die, find life through the purity of the one who died for us. Our hope must not be in our ability to resist, but in his innocent, unresisting sacrifice on our behalf.

Jesus kept every one of his Father’s words (Prov 6:20, John 14:31), yet he was numbered among transgressors (Prov 6:24, Luke 22:37), and the master became a servant (Prov 6:25, Phil 2:6-7).

Jeroen Mul (2010), Creative Commons

Jesus wrote the words of God on his heart (Prov 6:21, John 12:49-50), yet he still lost everything (Prov 6:26, John 10:17-18), and did not go unpunished (Prov 6:27-29, 1 Peter 2:24).

Jesus served the Father every moment in his walking, lying down, and waking (Prov 6:22, Mark 7:37). But he still suffered as a cunning robber (Prov 6:30-31, 35, Mark 15:27) and couldn’t have looked any more foolish (Prov 6:32a, 1 Cor 1:18).

Jesus was never tainted by the least sin (Prov 6:23, 1 Pet 1:18-19), yet God was pleased to crush him (Prov 6:32b, Isaiah 53:10) and wound him for our transgressions (Prov 6:33, Isaiah 53:5).

Despite his immaculate purity, Jesus found rampant dishonor and disgrace (Prov 6:33, John 19:15, Mark 10:33-34).

Though faithful to the end, Jesus experienced the furious, jealous revenge of the Divine Husband (Prov 6:34, Matt 27:46).

Friends, look upon this one who was pierced for your unfaithfulness. Don’t let him out of your sights. Don’t turn from his unbreakable love. Don’t settle for anything less.

“For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Cor 5:21).

When you gaze on Christ, the counterfeits lose their appeal. And—as we’ll see next in Proverbs 7—you’ll gain the discernment to unmask immorality’s silly seductive tactics.

How to Resist Sexual Immorality

March 17, 2014 By Peter Krol

Christian Mayrhofer (2009), Creative Commons

We know easy sex will keep us from being wise. We know it will beat us down and knock us out. We know it can’t deliver what it promises.

But we still struggle with it because we’re prone to get the order of things all wrong. In the moment of temptation, we set aside the true God and bow to the god of self. We live for our comfort, our pleasure, our escape, our desire.

In those moments, we think truth becomes relative. Righteousness becomes undesirable. God appears absent. Self-actualization is everything.

Thus, Solomon’s counsel for resisting immorality doesn’t land where we usually land. We want to know what is the best internet filtering software. We want to find others who will hold us accountable.

But Solomon gets radical. He shows us how to restore things to their proper order, so we might bow to none but him who is all in all. What would it look like for you to live for such a gracious Master?

1. Guard the Commands

My son, keep your father’s commandment,
and forsake not your mother’s teaching. (Prov 6:20)

The word “keep” involves not only obeying but also guarding. Keep room in your life for time with Christ in his word. Participate actively in opportunities to hear the word and be known by others who will speak the word to you.

You will protect and defend what is most important to you. If your pleasure is most important, you’ll always find a way to gratify it. But if the Lord’s pleasure is most important, you’ll find ways to bask in it.

And when you’re alone at night, after a stressful day, you’ll face that tantalizing choice—the choice that is always a choice, because you’re not an innocent victim. You don’t have to be a slave to what will kill you.

By the power of God’s Holy Spirit, you can choose one thing and not another. You can guard the commands, dive into the Scripture, and drown yourself in its glory. You can set aside your self-love.

2. Memorize the Word

Bind them on your heart always;
tie them around your neck. (Prov 6:21)

In the heat of temptation, God’s grace may lead you to remember that “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away” (Prov 6:32-33). With the truth readily available to you, would it be easier to fight the lies?

And at just the right moments, the Lord might remind you to “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Prov 5:18).

3. Serve the Lord

When you walk, they will lead you;
when you lie down, they will watch over you;
and when you awake, they will talk with you. (Prov 6:22)

We all serve something. We walk, lie down, and awake with our master’s will on our minds. As much as we like to think of ourselves as masters, we’re created to be servants.

Why not serve the best, most gracious Master? God promises you life, and he’s the only God who can actually give it. Idols can never give us what they promise.

You don’t need sex to make you happy. Whether you’re single, widowed, married to someone disobedient to the word, or married to a mature believer, you can bow to the lover of your soul and lay down your life for others as he did for you.

4. Annihilate the Folly

For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light,
and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life. (Prov 6:23)

Wisdom reproves you. Hear the rebuke and stop doing what you’re doing. You always have a choice.

Stop (Prov 1:22)! Turn (Prov 1:23)! I’ll give you my spirit (Prov 1:23)! Listen (Prov 2:1-2)! Call out (Prov 2:3-4)! Don’t forget (Prov 3:1)! Receive life (Prov 6:23)!

I have not lived as purely as I ought. Time and again, I fail to do what is right. What hope is there for struggling sinners like me?

“The reproofs of discipline are the way of life.” Do you want life? God delights to give it, so come to him and get your fill.

10 Reasons to Choose Sexual Immorality

March 10, 2014 By Peter Krol

Though Solomon gives 10 solid reasons to avoid sexual immorality in Prov 6:24-35, we still do it. Why would we do such a dumb thing?

Because in our folly, we believe what is not true. We lose sight of what really matters. We turn inward to focus on ourselves, and we set aside the fear of the Lord. We allow immorality’s smooth promises to woo us.

Perhaps you’ve capitulated to some of the following lies, in direct opposition to the corresponding truth from Proverbs.

1. It’s not that bad

To preserve you from the evil woman,
from the smooth tongue of the adulteress. (Prov 6:24, ESV)

Perhaps sexual immorality a mistake—even one that will leave me feeling guilty for days. But “evil”? Let’s try not to use such inflammatory language.

2. I’m free in Christ

Do not desire her beauty in your heart,
and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes. (Prov 6:25)

Jesus Solana (2012), Creative Commons

I’m saved by grace, so I’m free in Christ (to sin, that is). Of course, I don’t want to commit immorality; it’s just a besetting sin. I’m not truly captive to it; I’ll just have to struggle with it for the rest of my life.

3. It won’t cost much

For the price of a prostitute is only a loaf of bread,
but a married woman hunts down a precious life. (Prov 6:26)

I can afford a loaf of bread. A second look never hurt anybody. Anyway, Jesus already paid my debts.

4. I can handle it

Can a man carry fire next to his chest
and his clothes not be burned?
Or can one walk on hot coals
and his feet not be scorched?
So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;
none who touches her will go unpunished. (Prov 6:27-29)

Christians need to play with fire; it’s how they learn discernment. Plus, these pictures and sex scenes don’t tempt me as much as they used to.

5. It won’t hurt anybody

People do not despise a thief if he steals
to satisfy his appetite when he is hungry,
but if he is caught, he will pay sevenfold;
he will give all the goods of his house…
[A jealous husband] will accept no compensation;
he will refuse though you multiply gifts. (Prov 6:30-31, 35)

God gave me this hunger, so what else was I supposed to do with it? At least I’m not hurting anybody. This is just between me and God.

6. I can relate with people who struggle with this issue

He who commits adultery lacks sense. (Prov 6:32a)

Pornography and masturbation are so common today. I’m happy to be a wise counselor for others who struggle with it the way I do.

7. I can’t live without it

He who does it destroys himself. (Prov 6:32b)

Jesus, please don’t come back too quickly. At least not until I get to experience great sex. My singleness is such a burden. Or my marriage isn’t fulfilling me as I had hoped. I won’t be happy unless I get to look and touch again tonight. And tomorrow night. And the next.

8. It will make the pain go away

He will get wounds… (Prov 6:33)

Life is so hard. I’ve got deadlines I don’t think I can meet. There’s unresolved conflict so intense it makes me feel sick. My parents (or children, spouse, roommate) won’t stop nagging me. I failed my exam. My life is spinning out of control. I just need to get away from it all.

9. I’ll confess it to my accountability group

He will get wounds and dishonor,
and his disgrace will not be wiped away. (Prov 6:33)

It’s a normal part of life. Everyone struggles with sexual sin. I’ll never be able to change it, but at least I keep it in the light by confessing it to others who will respect me for my openness. And I don’t judge them, either. There’s nothing to be ashamed of here.

10. It will be worth it

For jealousy makes a man furious,
and he will not spare when he takes revenge. (Prov 6:34)

What I am feeling at this moment is more important than anything else. Feel, look, touch; don’t think. My assistant or supervisor makes me feel so much more loved than my spouse does. My fantasies should override my misgivings. Nobody will know about it.

—–

Of course, these lies are foolish, but that doesn’t stop us from believing them in the midst of temptation. The one who fears the Lord will identify the lies, replace them with the truth, and act accordingly. As we heed the reproofs of discipline, we find the way of life (Prov 6:23) in the one who died to give us life (John 15:12-14).

Which lies are you most likely to believe? Are there others you would add to the list?

10 Reasons to Avoid Sexual Immorality

March 3, 2014 By Peter Krol

Easy sex will keep you from being wise.

To make this point, Solomon lists ten consequences of sexual immorality in Proverbs 6:24-35. Before reading my list, I urge you to read the passage yourself and see how many consequences you can observe. Perhaps making your own list will help you to remember these things when you face temptation.

1. You’ll participate in evil

To preserve you from the evil woman,
from the smooth tongue of the adulteress. (Prov 6:24, ESV)

Immorality is evil, and temptation is an invitation to do evil. But wisdom preserves the wise from evil. When you believe the smooth and deceitful promises of immorality, you choose guilt by association: You are now evil as well.

2. Your desire will take you captive

Do not desire her beauty in your heart,
and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes. (Prov 6:25)

Victor Casale (2012), Creative Commons

It was for freedom that Christ has set you free, but immorality seeks to enslave you. Capitulation will become easier and easier. Resistance will become more and more difficult. Far better for you to rid your heart of these fantasies while you can.

3. You’ll lose everything

For the price of a prostitute is only a loaf of bread,
but a married woman hunts down a precious life. (Prov 6:26)

The cost begins low: only a loaf of bread. But with diminishing returns, you’ll need to give more and more until your very life is forfeit. Immorality hooks you while it’s cheap. A glance here, a touch there. But before you know it, you can’t sleep without sexual release. You simply can’t keep your hands off, and you’ll lose everything in the process.

4. Your punishment is inevitable

Can a man carry fire next to his chest
and his clothes not be burned?
Or can one walk on hot coals
and his feet not be scorched?
So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;
none who touches her will go unpunished. (Prov 6:27-29)

You can’t tinker with immorality and hope to escape. You may be able to cover it up for a time, but you will eventually be found out. God sees everything, and he is a consuming fire.

5. You can’t repay what you’ve stolen

People do not despise a thief if he steals
to satisfy his appetite when he is hungry,
but if he is caught, he will pay sevenfold;
he will give all the goods of his house…
[A jealous husband] will accept no compensation;
he will refuse though you multiply gifts. (Prov 6:30-31, 35)

The point is not to justify theft, but to condemn sexual immorality. People can understand a thief’s motives, though they still make him repay what he stole. How much less will they understand you when they find you out?

Perhaps you rob your present or future spouse of your best love and attention. Maybe you steal someone’s innocence. Or perhaps you continue supporting the horrific porn industry, which destroys young women and holds them captive. Pictures are never harmless; we must not lie to ourselves.

6. You’ll lack sense

He who commits adultery lacks sense. (Prov 6:32a)

There goes wisdom and, along with it, life and peace and satisfaction and joy.

7. You’ll destroy yourself

He who does it destroys himself. (Prov 6:32b)

We do it because it feels good. But, like an alcoholic who destroys his liver, or a smoker who disregards his lungs, we kill ourselves with good feelings. Easy sex is all about self-gratification, but Jesus said that he who loves himself loses himself. Wisdom pierces these feelings to find the truth.

8. You’ll create your own wounds

He will get wounds… (Prov 6:33)

It’s like touching a hot stove. Or using credit cards to spend money you don’t have. Or picking a scab. Or playing hopscotch on the interstate. You’ll hurt for it later, and you’ll have brought the hurt on yourself.

9. You’ll find dishonor and disgrace

He will get wounds and dishonor,
and his disgrace will not be wiped away. (Prov 6:33)

You set yourself up for constant reproach and a bad name. You’ll always be that guy who ran off with the girl and ruined a good thing (family, ministry, career, etc.).

10. You’ll lose every time

For jealousy makes a man furious,
and he will not spare when he takes revenge. (Prov 6:34)

Sexual immorality rightly infuriates. Jealous husbands will not spare on the day of revenge.

But what if your immorality doesn’t involve seducing a married person? Then there’s no jealousy to fear, right? “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord” (Rom 12:19). Remember that God, the Great Husband, has a special place in his heart for those with no human protectors. Can you watch your back when it comes to him?

If, like me, you have already failed in the sexual realm, take heart and remember there’s always hope in Christ. He provides a way out. This list is not to consign you forever to guilt and punishment, but to warn you from future folly.

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Easy Sex Will Keep You from Being Wise

February 24, 2014 By Peter Krol

A student newspaper at my alma mater once published a set of ABC’s for first-year students as something of “a 26-step instructional guide on how to get the most out of higher education.”

Jirka Matousek (2011), Creative Commons

Along with A for Alcohol, E for Energy drinks, and Q for Questions, came the following:

H is for House Party Weekend. Three parts live music, four parts indiscriminate alcohol abuse, two parts non-prejudicial fornicating. Mix well; serve warm. That’s House Party Weekend.

S is for Sexually transmitted diseases. See letter H.

W is for Walk of shame. Alternatively known as the “stride of pride.” That long walk home wearing the same thing you went out in last night, which inevitably followed a very awkward introduction earlier that morning. When you see the steady stream at 10 a.m., just remember, “Let he who has not woken up spooning a stranger cast the first stone.”[1]

There’s a reason “higher education” and “wisdom” aren’t synonymous.

Lots of Sex

This week, I reinstate my long-running Bible study of Proverbs 1-9. As we hit Proverbs 6:20-35, we ought to notice that Solomon has said a lot about sex already, and he’s not yet done with the topic. Foolish and ungodly sexual activity was common long before universities developed such a strong reputation for it.

But what makes Proverbs 6:20-35 unique? What does Solomon say here that he hasn’t covered elsewhere? Though many ideas overlap, we can observe a primary focus for each of the “sex sections” of Proverbs 1-9:

Prov 2:16-19 explains how easy sex hinders wisdom.
Prov 5:1-23 unveils God’s surprisingly intoxicating alternative.
Prov 6:20-35 enumerates immorality’s terrible consequences.
Prov 7:1-27 unmasks immorality’s seductive tactics.

We must hear wisdom on these matters, so we can find life (Prov 6:23) and avoid death (Prov 5:23). In keeping you from being wise, easy sex holds nothing for you but pain and destruction. But there was one who endured pain and destruction to give us wisdom. So there’s always hope.

The Plan

Over the next few weeks, I’ll tackle this passage somewhat out of order. First, I’ll explain ten terrible consequences of easy sex (Prov 6:24-35). Then, I’ll go back to offer four steps for fighting it (Prov 6:20-23).

Question: How do you see easy sex hindering wisdom in our day?

——————————-

[1] Scott Gosnell, “The BU ABC’s,” The Counterweight, Volume 7, Issue 1, August 24, 2007, pp.8-9.

The Illusion of Freedom

October 21, 2013 By Peter Krol

The first section of Proverbs 5 (Prov 5:1-6) highlighted the deceptiveness of appearances. Not all is as it seems, and sexual immorality covers itself under the illusion of freedom. In this closing section, we see that deviation from God’s standards—what the culture calls “sexual freedom”—is not really free.

For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the Lord,
And he ponders all his paths.
The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him,
And he is held fast in the cords of his sin.
He dies for lack of discipline,
And because of his great folly he is led astray (Prov 5:21-23, ESV).

Jesus Solana (2012), Creative Commons

Pursuing immorality is like snapping the handcuffs, donning the straitjacket, locking the cage, or triggering the land mine. You thought to hunt a foxy partner, but the real hunters will “cry ‘havoc!’ and let slip the dogs of war.”[1] You are the prey, fit only to become a fur scarf or set of mounted antlers.

Notice first that God sees everything (Prov 5:21). Nothing we do is really in secret, though we reason with ourselves that it is so. To be free from the prying eyes of men is still to be under the fiery, knowing gaze of the Almighty. The First Catechism, a children’s version of Christian theology, summarizes:

Can you see God?
No. I cannot see God, but he always sees me.
Does God know all things?
Yes. Nothing can be hidden from God.[2]

Do these lines inspire you with hope or terrify you with despair, when you consider your sexual life of the past week or month?

Notice second that sin is ensnaring (Prov 5:22). We think that a little sin will produce a little happiness; otherwise, we wouldn’t do it! We must realize instead that every time we sin, we take up the yoke and subjugate ourselves to a harsh master. We choose slavery, not freedom. We more closely resemble unwelcome critters, to be caught and disposed of, than carefree gazelles, frolicking through glade and meadow.

Notice finally that, for the wicked, freedom is elusive (Prov 5:23). The sinner would rather die than become disciplined. The immoral person is full of “great folly” that leads him astray. He missed his turn and will never reach his destination. Life and freedom elude him; they’re always just out of reach.

Those final words (“led astray”) are significant because, in the Hebrew text, they represent the same vocabulary as was used in Prov 5:19 and Prov 5:20. Solomon commanded his reader to be “intoxicated” by the love of his spouse, and not by the forbidden woman. “Intoxicated” could also have been translated as “swerving astray” or “reeling” to show the repetition. The translators of the NET Bible[3] explain it this way in a note: “If the young man is not captivated by his wife but is captivated with a stranger in sinful acts, then his own iniquities will captivate him, and he will be led to ruin.”

The message is clear: sexual “freedom” is an illusion. Fools set their own traps and surprise themselves by springing them. The simple claim insufficient knowledge or education, and their traps are no less painful. Even those who ought to be wise struggle in the chains of self-love, self-focus, self-pity, and self-centered fear or insecurity.

Is there hope we’ll ever find the way of life and enjoy God’s delightful wisdom?

Appearances are truly deceptive. How could the son of a carpenter be, as the Nicene Creed states, “very God of very God?” How could one born in obscurity and killed in infamy provide God’s righteousness to any who want it?

Immorality has real consequences, and the pure and righteous one suffered so we immoral ones might be washed clean.

Marriage has phenomenal delights, and the Great Bridegroom chose to die and not demand his rights as Husband. In so doing, he didn’t coerce his Bride, but won her allegiance for the long haul.

Sexual freedom is truly an illusion. Jesus submitted to the cross and the grave so we could be free of both forever; he proved it by his glorious resurrection. Now we get to image him to the world. Find your freedom in self-denial. Obtain life through your death. Secure satisfaction by serving and satisfying others, especially your spouse.

The wise person sees the culture’s illusions, blasts them with Bible dynamite, and wins others to radically selfless, Christ-like joy, far more exciting than either religious prudishness or enslaving immorality.

[1] Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, III.1.273.

[2] Suwanee, GA: Great Commission Publications, Inc., 2003, Questions 11 & 12.

[3] Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C, 1996-2005.

The Best Object of Sexual Delight

October 14, 2013 By Peter Krol

Previously, I examined two atrocious abuses of sexually explicit Bible texts. I concluded with two observations from Prov 5:18: You ought to rejoice in your spouse, and you ought to rejoice in your spouse. This week I’ll unpack the second observation.

Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth (Prov 5:18, ESV)

Observe the proper object of delight: rejoice in “the wife of your youth” (Prov 5:18). “Be intoxicated always in her love” (Prov 5:19). Solomon does not say, “Rejoice in how amazing the whole thing is,” or, “Get drunk on the incomparable sensations of sex.” We’ve seen it already with money issues, and we’ll see it again in the next few chapters of Proverbs: We’re always tempted to focus on ourselves. In doing so, however, we ruin the very joy God desires for us.

Marriage will not solve your lust problem. Sex will not make you happy. Sexual climax will always result in crushing disappointment when it’s about you. However, when it’s about the other, when it begins with self-denial and ends with sacrificial service, when it regards the well-being and delight of your spouse as being more important than your own, then it reflects God’s own selfless love for his people. You begin to understand the delight and ecstasy of sharing Christ’s own heart for the Church (Eph 5:31-32), and you will fulfill your potential of having been created and redeemed in his image, after his own likeness.

In The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis understood that true godly romantic love finds delight in a person, a spouse, not in a feeling or experience:

We use a most unfortunate idiom when we say, of a lustful man prowling the streets, that he “wants a woman.” Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want. He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the woman as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition (one does not keep the carton after one has smoked the cigarettes). Now Eros makes a man really want, not a woman, but one particular woman. In some mysterious but quite indisputable fashion the lover desires the Beloved herself, not the pleasure she can give.[1]

By contrast, love of Love harms the lover: “Love becomes a demon when it becomes a god.”[2]

If you are unmarried, you do not have to get married to have a fulfilling existence. If you aspire to marriage, the best preparation is to practice serving others now. As you think about sex and dating, “How far can I go?” is always the wrong question. Instead ask, “How sacrificially can I serve others?”

If you are widowed or divorced, you have not yet lost the good years; now is the time to lay down your life in Christ-like abandon for those around you. Don’t fall prey to bitterness or self-pity. Find help, and engage the community.

If you are married, perhaps you need to repent of the selfish way you’ve exercised your passion thus far, of the way you’ve either made unloving demands or withdrawn in desperate self-protection. Demanding certain acts or increased frequency of lovemaking may have been out of line. Resisting your spouse in fear may be selfish and unloving. Whatever your struggle, consider a new goal: “What will serve my spouse and Christ?” For in such consideration, we find real freedom and Christ-like empowerment.

Thus, whatever your marital status and whatever your history, the Lord offers you the opportunity to enjoy something better than you dreamed possible. He offers you pure water, sweet streams, and a blessed fountain, but only when your satisfaction is rooted in the denial of self and the satisfaction of others. Don’t settle for a trifle.

[1] The Four Loves (New York, Harcourt, Brace, 1960), p.94. Disclosure: This is an affiliate link, so if you click it and buy stuff from Amazon, you’ll support our site at no extra cost to yourself.

[2] p.22.

The Only Intoxication the Bible Advises

October 7, 2013 By Peter Krol

Last week, I examined two atrocious abuses of sexually explicit Bible texts. I concluded with two observations from Prov 5:18: You ought to rejoice in your spouse, and you ought to rejoice in your spouse. This week I’ll unpack the first observation.

Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth (Prov 5:18, ESV)

Subharnab Majumdar (2009), Creative Commons

God’s plan is for joy. It’s not for well-contained respectability. It’s not for safely restricted teenagers. It’s not for secretly confused husbands and wives. Pastor Paul Browne of New Life Orthodox Presbyterian Church in Williamsport, PA spoke at length of this joy, from Solomon’s other famous love poem, at my wedding:

The Song of Solomon appropriately celebrates the only kind of intoxication that the Bible advises, which is that we should be drunk on the love of our wives and husbands, but it celebrates that intoxication with a clear-eyed, morning-after sobriety. It doesn’t present the unimproved, unexamined, sophomoric, sickly sweet cotton candy goo of immature infatuation…

Marriage is the covenanted giving of two selves, man and woman, one to another, as long as they both shall live. This is an unreserved giving and receiving of self that involves body and soul, an exhaustive mutual indwelling, a complete interpenetration of persons, a relationship involving a simultaneous oneness and twoness that doesn’t erase individual identity, but sharpens it.

It is a fact that the Song of Solomon very much emphasizes the physical, bodily aspect of this mutual giving. In Song 2:16, “he grazes among the lilies” refers to kissing or the other intimacies of physical lovemaking in the Song…

So not only do the bride and groom anxiously await the time they can give themselves physically in God-blessed physical sexuality, but she envisions it lasting until “the day breathes, and the shadows flee away.” Here is the Word of God commending to us all-night making love in unbroken romantic tryst until the morning. And, of course, the bride in the Song of Solomon knows the possibility because she again likens her lover to a gazelle or a stag: sure-footed, agile, virile, potent, living life in 4-wheel drive…

The wonder of it is that this is lovemaking that takes place in a garden setting, a paradise that is untainted by guilt. When the shadows flee away, and the day comes, there are no regrets, there’s no sorrow, there is no fear of the light exposing wrongdoing, because God blesses this lovemaking in the permanently covenanted setting of marriage.[1]

God intends such intoxicating delight for every married couple, but it’s only possible when we do it according to the way of wisdom. God’s plan is for joy.

[1] Excerpt from Browne’s sermon delivered at my wedding on September 18, 2004.

Don’t Abuse the Sexiest Parts of the Bible

September 30, 2013 By Peter Krol

Drink water from your own cistern,
Flowing water from your own well.
Should your springs be scattered abroad,
Streams of water in the streets?
Let them be for yourself alone,
And not for strangers with you.
Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth,
A lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
Be intoxicated always in her love.
Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman
And embrace the bosom of an adulteress? (Prov 5:15-20, ESV)

Sexual freedom is an illusion because immorality always brings death. But the Lord’s alternative is surprisingly intoxicating.

Before sipping from the glory of this text, however, consider two misconceptions regarding such sexually ecstatic and eye-popping-ly explicit Bible passages.

No peeking!

The first misconception is that it’s not decent. We shouldn’t discuss anatomy in public. Intoxicating love is awkward and uncomfortable. This sort of thing is okay to discuss in the last session of pre-marital counseling (at least, if the couple-to-be asks about it), but nowhere else.

Such prudishness about sexual matters led the medieval church to all sorts of ridiculous limitations on not only discussion but also the practice of vibrant sexuality in marriage. A friend of mine once showed me a “flow chart of sexual decision making, according to medieval penitential manuals.”[1] If you’re trying to bring back that loving feeling, make sure you answer each of the following questions correctly.

Are you married? Is this your spouse? Married more than three days? Is the wife menstruating? Is the wife pregnant? Is the wife nursing a child? Is it Lent? Is it Advent? Is it Whitsun week? Is it Easter week? Is it a feast day? Is it a fast day? Is it Sunday? Is it Wednesday? Is it Friday? Is it Saturday? Is it daylight? Are you naked? Are you in Church? Do you want a child? Then go ahead, but be careful: No fondling! No lewd kisses! No oral sex! No strange positions! Only once! Try not to enjoy it! Good luck! And take a bath when you’re finished.

Of course, we’re far more sophisticated today. We’d never go to such excess. We just make sure to teach the youth what they can’t do, and in the process, we neglect the beauty and glory of what God has in store for those who do it his way.

The second misconception about such Bible passages is that marriage will solve my lust problem. As an unmarried man, I once memorized Prov 5:15-20 with the full intention of wielding it against whichever fortunate young lady fell to the irresistible charm of my marriage proposal. If you can relate, let me challenge you: Your lust is selfish, and marriage won’t fix you. If you’re already married, more frequent sex won’t fix you. Yes, Paul said, “it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Cor 7:9), but that does not authorize you to treat your spouse as kindling for your own consumption. Far better for you to cleanse her “by the washing of water with the word” (Eph 5:25-28), even if it means you have to take lots of cold showers along the way. Your problem lies not with your singleness (nor with your spouse’s unresponsiveness), but within your own heart. Your greatest need is not for the freedom to execute your desire on a beloved, but for the freedom that comes from self-controlled self-denial.

Both misconceptions fail to grapple with verse 18: “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth.” Observe two things: You ought to rejoice in your spouse, and you ought to rejoice in your spouse. We’ll unpack these two observations over the next two weeks.

[1] From James A. Brundage, Law, Sex, and Christian Society in Medieval Europe (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1987), p.162. Disclosure: this is an affiliate link, so if you click on it and buy stuff from Amazon, you’ll support our site at no extra cost to yourself.

Detailing the Consequences of Immorality

September 23, 2013 By Peter Krol

This week we continue our study of the illusion of sexual freedom.

And now, O sons, listen to me,
And do not depart from the words of my mouth.
Keep your way far from her,
And do not go near the door of her house,
Lest you give your honor to others
And your years to the merciless,
Lest strangers take their fill of your strength,
And your labors go to the house of a foreigner,
And at the end of your life you groan,
When your flesh and body are consumed,
And you say, “How I hated discipline,
And my heart despised reproof!
I did not listen to the voice of my teachers
Or incline my ear to my instructors.
I am at the brink of utter ruin
In the assembled congregation” (Prov 5:7-14, ESV).

Notice that the command to listen is repeated once again (Prov 5:7). Don’t let its familiarity cause you to hurry past it. Let it remind you of your need for help from outside yourself. Ask any recovering addict: You will not win this battle on your own.

Rochelle Hartman (2011), Creative Commons

Avoid immorality at all costs (Prov 5:8). Otherwise it will cause you to:

Lose your best years (Prov 5:9). The springtime of life could be spent on serving the Lord and growing his kingdom. Don’t give that up.
Squander your strength and the fruit of your labor (Prov 5:10). You’ll spend all your energy coping with your sin. Wouldn’t you rather have something else to look back on as your life’s work?
Regret all the waste and its wreckage (Prov 5:11). The night before I graduated from college, a hall mate asked if I had any regrets. I looked back over those four years, and with full honesty said, “No.” I hadn’t done everything perfectly, but the Lord had given me rest in him and in his work in my life. That night, I committed to living the rest of my life with the end in mind. I don’t regret that choice one bit.
Stagger from all of the guilt (Prov 5:12). You’ll finally identify the foolishness in your heart and the damaging behavior it led to. The weight of it will sink in.
Cower beneath all the shame (Prov 5:13). You’ll realize the problem wasn’t that you didn’t have enough information, but that you didn’t have enough conviction.
Despair at the public disgrace (Prov 5:14). You could be “that guy who ran off with the girl” back at your home church. I regret many indiscretions of my teen years. One particular incident came to light just before my high school graduation and crushed the respect a younger sister in Christ had for me. Her parting words – “How could you?” – remain etched in my memory.

I want to make two things very clear. First, we must not minimize the consequences of our sin. Consider: Is it worth it? Decide now, not when temptation happens. We also must not buffer others from the consequences of their sin. God saves sinners – I am foremost! – by breaking all their hope to pieces, leaving none but Jesus (Mat 21:42-44, Rom 7:7-12). Don’t hinder any work of God by boxing out the truth.

Second, if this passage has discouraged you, please remember Proverbs 4: There is always hope that we can grow. Solomon depicts the end of immorality on purpose. He does it so we might change course before the end arrives. If you’re reading Solomon, it’s not too late for you. Just do nothing, and you’ll ruin all. Fear the Lord, and anything can change.

Share your struggles with pastors or wise leaders. Ask them to help you figure out what you desire (since what we do is always a result of what we desire). Many people turn to sexual immorality out of a desire for control (when life feels out of control), escape (when things are difficult), or acceptance (when they feel rejected by those they care about most). Identify what God desires for you instead (that you know him and find long life, peace, pleasantness, etc.), and ask him to help you change. Then turn from your sinful desires and grasp new, godly desires. Once wisdom changes who you are, it will flow into everything you do.

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