I enjoyed yesterday’s panel discussion on leading with influence. The video is available here, or you can view it below.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRCGyU4gY-I
Why Vulnerability is So Hard
Yesterday I arrived at one of those small but significant decision points that threaten my composure and test the limits of my willingness to be known. It came when my coworker greeted me with his usual, “How are you today?”
I earnestly sought a perfunctory “Fine, how are you?” so I could move on from the greeting and get on with my day, but it eluded me. The truth was that I was not fine. Twice in the last week I had pled with dear friends who were departing from the faith, one into false doctrine and another into immorality. Both cases of apostasy hit me hard, and I had mourned and prayed over them, wondering what on earth God was doing.
So I cracked open the door—”I’m pretty sad today”—and it was costly to do so. It cost me a measure of self-confidence and self-respect. It cost me a few minutes of my life to explain what I was sad about. It reopened the wound and renewed the pain. It sucked more energy out of me, as I tried to balance openness with self-control (to avoid gossip, venting, or speaking other words that wouldn’t edify).
But such vulnerability is Christlike, and by faith I trust it was worth it.
J (2008), Creative Commons
Why is it so hard for us to be vulnerable with one another? Why do we struggle to lead and to teach the Scripture with transparency? Why are we more attracted to a pretense of perfection or a veneer of imperturbability? I can think of at least 3 reasons.
Theological Reasons
I have heard pastors say they won’t tell personal stories from the pulpit because it would get in the way of representing Christ. They believe that for Christ to shine brightly, they must completely get out of the way. So in private they’re happy to share of their need for grace, but their preaching focuses much more on proclaiming the truth than on incarnating it.
This same sort of thinking shows up when Bible study leaders think only about how to apply the text to the group members and not about how to apply it to themselves. One sign of this struggle is when their preparation time doesn’t feel devotional and they need to schedule separate personal time with the Lord.
I greatly respect those who want to “get out of the way” so people can see Christ. This desire to serve others at great cost to oneself is a noble one.
But I think the attempt misfires, for we miss the fact that God shows people himself by showing himself to people. He doesn’t merely declare truth; he demonstrates the truth and lives it out. He became a man and perfected his power in weakness. He demonstrates his love by dying for sinners. He exposed and disgraced himself that he might lead us to glory.
And so John can say that while no-one has seen God, Jesus has made him known (John 1:18). But at the same time, while no-one has seen God, they will see him if we love one another (1 John 4:12). For them to see, we must give them something to see.
Personal Reasons
Some brave souls like Eric, who commented on last week’s post, perceive pride and fear as the greatest enemies to vulnerability.
- We don’t want people to think less of us.
- We fear losing our position or influence.
- We don’t want to be a burden.
- We don’t want to be laughed at or seen as mistaken or needy.
Perhaps we even feel like our reputation—or at least our self-perception of it—signifies our standing with God, such that God’s pleasure is shown through others’ pleasure and people’s displeasure betrays God’s displeasure.
Whatever the exact issue, we find our identity in something other than the finished work of Christ. We must not forget the guttural cry of him who bowed his head and gave up his spirit (John 19:30).
Practical Reasons
My biggest struggle, as I mentioned above, is that vulnerability is hard work. It’s costly, and I’m often unwilling to pay that cost.
Many in the “theological reason” camp react rightly against those who see their leadership as an opportunity for dealing with their personal demons. If I’m vulnerable for my sake—to cleanse my conscience or even to get people to feel sorry for me—I have missed the point. There’s a foolish sort of vulnerability that serves nobody but myself, but there’s also a wise sort of vulnerability that serves others deeply (for example, see 2 Corinthians 11-12).
This wise vulnerability takes an effort. It requires forethought and godly character. It demands unwavering confidence in Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Cor 12:10).
When you teach the Scripture, beware sanitized hypocrisy.
Beware Sanitized Hypocrisy
The third practice for preparing effective Bible studies is to allow the message to change you. The fact should be obvious, but so often it’s not: We can’t teach what we haven’t learned. Our words are just words if we can’t show them by our lives. Paul said, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Cor 11:1, ESV), but his exhortation would have fallen flat if he hadn’t opened his life for them to see (1 Cor 9:1-7, 15-23; 10:32-33).
I’ve been really challenged by this point lately, especially when I feel pressed for time in my teaching preparation. It’s so hard to deal with the log in my eye before I try to remove the speck from others’ eyes!
But the biblical word for leaders who say one thing but do another is “hypocrite.” Of course, I might successfully avoid aggressive forms of hypocrisy: preaching integrity while robbing the church, promoting purity while secretly indulging immorality, etc. But how often do I sanitize my hypocrisy, justifying my sins of omission while passionately promoting their opposite? For example:
- Do I exhort people to confess their sins, but I never confess mine?
- Do I oppose pride and promote humility, but I’m afraid to let anyone see me when I’m weak?
- Do I preach about how much people need the grace of Christ, but I don’t reveal an inch of my own need for the grace of Christ?
- Do I urge people to love one another, but I believe my leadership position prevents me from having any close friends?
- Do I want people to be open to feedback, but I never ask for it myself?
Shepherds shepherd, and leaders lead. This means they go out in front and don’t ask people to do anything they haven’t done first. So before Jesus asked Peter to feed his lambs and die (John 21:15-19), he was the Good Shepherd who laid down his own life for the sheep (John 10:11). So also Paul can beg the Corinthians to open wide their hearts to him after his heart was opened wide to them (2 Cor 6:11-13). And Jonathan can call his armor bearer to come up after him; Jonathan goes first to make them fall, and the armor bearer simply mops up after him (1 Sam 14:12-13).
This kind of leadership requires two kinds of vulnerability:
- When preparing to lead a study, we must allow the text to change us.
- When leading the study, we must explain how the text has changed us.
rikdom (2007), Creative Commons
This means that I must apply the Scripture to myself before I try to apply it to anyone else. And when appropriate, I must be willing to share these lessons to give people a model for how the text can change them. After practicing these things, I’ll be in a position to suggest further applications for others.
Hear Jesus’ warning against those who wouldn’t do what they asked others to do:
The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses’ seat, so practice and observe whatever they tell you – but not what they do. For they preach, but do not practice. They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger. They do all their deeds to be seen by others. For they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long, and they love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces and being called rabbi by others. But you are not to be called rabbi, for you have one teacher, and you are all brothers. And call no man your father on earth, for you have one Father, who is in heaven. Neither be called instructors, for you have one instructor, the Christ. The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted. (Matt 23:2-12)
I have some ideas about why such vulnerability is so difficult, and I’ll write about them next week. But in the meantime, I’d like to hear what you think. Question: Why do you think it’s hard for us to be vulnerable in our leadership?
5 Things the Wise Person Can Do
Because God implanted his wisdom in this world, wisdom empowers us for life in this world. It doesn’t take us out of this world into vague, ethereal, or escapist sentiments. Thus, true wisdom will never lead us into otherworldly practices like denying pain (Prov 3:11-12), forbidding pleasure (Prov 5:18-19), or romanticizing the past (Eccl 7:10).
In Proverbs 8:12-21, we saw 5 things wisdom won’t do in this life. The wise person will take these things to heart and apply them diligently.
Because wisdom won’t run out (Prov 8:12), you can always draw on it. Wisdom is available to you, and it will always be available to you. You don’t have to rely on the experts to tell you what to think, and you don’t have to wait on authority figures to tell you what to do. Your questions are not beyond God’s concern, and your problems are not beyond God’s reach. And when same-sex marriage is universally legalized and religious freedom is broadly rejected, it won’t mean that divine wisdom has failed or gone on vacation. We shouldn’t get so uptight about increased hostility, lost opportunity, or apparently restricted liberty. Such things cannot thwart God’s kingdom and gospel from advancing. “And though this world with devils filled should threaten to undo us, we will not fear for God hath willed his truth to triumph through us” (Martin Luther).
Because wisdom won’t pander to pride (Prov 8:13), you can relinquish your self-interest. You won’t get what you want by demanding it. And just because you don’t have to rely on experts or wait on authorities—it doesn’t mean that you can’t learn from anyone. You’re not always the expert or the authority; God made you to function in community with others. If you don’t have to protect or defend yourself, you’re free to hate the evil within you as much as the Lord does. Only then will you find the wisdom you need to put it to death. Luther again: “No man can glory in thy sight; all must alike confess thy might and live alone by mercy.”
Because wisdom won’t let you down (Prov 8:14-16), you have every reason to execute your responsibility faithfully. You can move into your own place. You can buy that house; you can learn that skill. You can work hard, even under a harsh supervisor. You can love and respect your spouse, even if it’s not returned. You can discipline your children consistently, even if it feels like you’ll do nothing but spank them all day (the feeling isn’t true!). You can lead your own Bible study this year. You can tame your tongue. You can set aside sexual immorality. The Spirit of wisdom—the Spirit of God—can do all these things and more through you. More Luther: “Christ is himself the joy of all, the Sun that warms and lights us. By his grace he doth impart eternal sunshine to the heart; the night of sin is ended! Alleluia!”
Because wisdom won’t play hard to get (Prov 8:17), you have only to ask. There’s nothing to complain about. You don’t need to make more money or buy more books. You don’t need to go to seminary or Bible college. You don’t have to earn your way. You don’t have to prove yourself. You have not because you ask not. Everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. Those who knock are the ones who have all the open doors. There’s no mystery here; you can try it now: “God, please give me wisdom for _____________. My only hope is Christ. Amen.” Luther once again nails it: “Christ alone our souls will feed; he is our meat and drink indeed. Faith lives upon no other!”
Because wisdom won’t leave you empty-handed (Prov 8:18-21), you have everything to gain by seeking it! Sure, you might spend some money or sacrifice financial stability. You might give up some free time that could have been spent on amusement. You’ll risk misunderstanding or ridicule if you look too fanatical. But what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul? Guess who: “Happy the man who feareth God, whose feet his holy ways have trod; thine own good hand shall nourish thee, and well and happy shalt thou be.”
Have You Forgotten How to Read the Bible?
Last week, The Gospel Coalition posted an article by professor Dan Doriani entitled “The Danger of Forgetting How to Read the Bible.” In the article, Doriani traces the common path for leaders who become leaders out of excitement for the Scripture, but who then lose this excitement as they focus on technical and academic study of the word.
He writes:
Leaders stumble for many reasons, and while I could argue that a zealous seminarian has little in common with a vain or depressed middle-aged leader, there is at least one common thread: My peers and my students can both stop reading the Bible as we should.
Ultimately, “Students and pastors need, therefore, to become technical, devotional readers. Here every exegetical skill remains, yet we also read like children, letting the word speak to our hearts again.”
These things are not just for pastors. As we learn to study the Bible and teach it to others, let us not stop letting it speak to our own hearts again and again.
Check it out!
You Can Lead with Influence
Over the last few months, I’ve written about how Proverbs helps us to gain not only a godly perspective on our own lives but also the influence required to lead others. Last week, The Gospel Coalition published a guest post I wrote on the topic of influence.
Paul’s recipe for influence was simple. It had two primary ingredients: hope and humility.
Paul divulges these not-so-secret keys to influential ministry in chapters 2 and 3 of 1 Thessalonians.
Humility means caring more about others than about yourself. It means being honest about your need for grace. It means refusing to trample others on the way to your own success or personal fulfillment….
Hope means believing God is at work through Christ, so anything can change for the better. It means approaching others’ sin with patience rather than anger and refusing to complain about everything that’s wrong with the world, instead thanking God for what’s still right. It means being honest about difficult things while remaining confident God will use them for good.
For a more detailed look at humility and hope, see the Proverbs series on this site. For a more condensed look at Paul’s employment of these traits in 1 Thessalonians, see the Gospel Coalition post.
Question: What other ingredients have you found to build influence in your leadership of others?
When Humility is not Easy (Prov. 3:27-35)
It’s easy to forget humility and act like violent men when facing certain types of people.
1. Those who have hurt me deeply
Charlie Barker (2011), Creative Commons
James has this first group in mind when he quotes Proverbs 3:34 to instruct the community to stop quarreling (Jas. 4:1-12). James argues that we each tend to love ourselves more than anyone else, so we fight for our rights. In the course of such conflict, we get hurt and want to retaliate. Instead, we must remember that our desires cannot give us what they promise. So we must turn to the Lord, because he always gives more grace than the world does. As we fear the Lord instead of focusing on ourselves, we become more humble people. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (Jas. 4:6).
2. Those who don’t deserve my trust
Peter has this second group in mind when he quotes Proverbs 3:34 to instruct the church to submit to the elders (1 Pet. 5:1-11). Elders are shepherds of the flock of God, but they must never be mistaken for the Chief Shepherd. When we put our leaders in the place of Jesus, they fail to deliver because they are neither divine nor sinless. When they fail, we tend to become disillusioned, anxious for the future of the church, and proud in our own opinions. Instead, we ought to fear the Lord more than we fear failure. This makes us both humble and effective, for “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (1 Pet. 5:5).
3. All the rest
Paul has all of us in mind when he draws us back to Christ’s humility to empower our own (Phil. 2:1-18). Does Christ encourage you? Does his love comfort you? Do you participate in his Spirit? Has God shown any affection or sympathy toward you? Jesus gave up what he deserved (his rights as God) and took on what he did not deserve (the role of a servant, the limitations of a human body, and the utter disgrace of death by crucifixion). He did it to rescue you from what you deserve (God’s judgment) and to give you what you do not deserve (God’s pleasure). Paul was so affected by Jesus’ humility that he was prepared to die himself if it meant his people would hold these truths more dearly.
Loving others wisely and humbly is not optional for followers of Christ. It’s the meat and potatoes of living by faith in community with other sinners. Wisdom must penetrate this crucial area of our lives. The fear of the Lord is the beginning, and when you fear the Lord you can’t help but become like him. That means dying for others, even if they’ve hurt you or if they don’t deserve it. When Jesus’ humility grips you, it changes everything about you. Don’t turn inward and deny yourself the opportunity to fear the Lord and know Jesus in his humility. As Raymond Ortlund writes:
If you would like to experience God with that humility, here is how you can. You look at the cross. You see a wise man hanging there, dying in the place of fools like you, because he loves you. You may despise him, but he does not despise you. You may be above him, but he humbled himself for you. Look there at him. Look away from yourself. Look at him, and keep looking until your pride melts. You will not only worship, you will begin to grow wise.[1]
[1] Proverbs: Wisdom that Works, Kindle location 537-540.
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Why We Harm Others (Prov. 3:31)
In seeking wise humility, we must not pridefully withhold good or plan evil against others. To help us, the center of Proverbs 3:27-35 illuminates our motivations.
Do not envy a man of violence
And do not choose any of his ways (Prov. 3:31, ESV)
If God opposes the proud so severely, why would anyone ever choose such a path? Because, Solomon reasons, we are tempted to envy violent people.
Derrick Davis (2008), Creative Commons
Remember our discussion about violent people from Proverbs 1:10-19? The attraction to violence is that it will gain us more stuff. And more stuff means improved security and increased community, or so we think.
We love ourselves enough to believe anything just to get a little satisfaction. We’ll even believe that “love your neighbor as yourself” means that we first have to love ourselves. Nowhere, however, does the Bible command us to love ourselves; it assumes that we already do. Whenever we put ourselves at the center of the universe, we are choosing to act like violent men. The antidote to such a poisonous choice is to fear the Lord, who really is at the center of the universe. “Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day” (Prov. 23:17).
If you’re anything like me, you may have a hard time with this teaching. I want to love people; I really do. I’ll do whatever God wants me to do for most of the people in the world. There are just a select few whom I can’t love. In particular, there are those who have hurt me deeply, and those who don’t deserve my trust because of some failure on their part.
Next week, we’ll see how the New Testament applies Proverbs 3 to these situations.
God Opposes the Proud
Wisdom is humble. Humility means putting others first. But why does it matter?
For the devious person is an abomination to the Lord,
But the upright are in his confidence.
The Lord’s curse is on the house of the wicked,
But he blesses the dwelling of the righteous.
Toward the scorners he is scornful,
But to the humble he gives favor.
The wise will inherit honor,
But fools get disgrace (Prov. 3:32-35, ESV).
R. Nial Bradshaw (2013), Creative Commons
This section has four statements about God’s perspective on those who obey or disobey the commands of Prov. 3:27-30. The first three show first God’s displeasure toward the disobedient, followed by his favor toward the obedient. The fourth statement reverses the order, signaling the end of the section.
The language here is not moderate. “Abomination” (Prov. 3:32) may be the strongest possible term to express hatred. The devious person, who builds himself up by tearing others down, is an object of God’s extreme hatred (Prov. 3:32). The wicked, who ignores God’s instruction and goes his own way, is thwarted by God at every turn (Prov. 3:33). Scorners, who always believe they know better than everyone else, receive the Lord’s scorn (Prov. 3:34). Fools, who love simplicity and refuse to learn wisdom, become disgraceful examples of what not to do (Prov. 3:35).
What’s abominable to God is often distasteful to others as well. I’m sure you’ve seen (or been) the person who’s so focused on himself that he brings his own disgrace. Comedian Brian Regan, with surprising insight, cautions us to “Beware the Me Monster.”
I made the mistake of trying to tell a story about having only two wisdom teeth pulled, and I learned a lesson: Don’t ever try to tell a two-wisdom-teeth story because you ain’t goin’ nowhere. The four-wisdom-teeth people are going to parachute in and cut you off at the pass. ‘Halt! Halt with your two-wisdom-tooth tale!’ You will never complete one; trust me.[1]
The “Me Monster” is the person who always focuses on himself. Even the world recognizes how ugly this behavior is.
In contrast, the upright person, who imitates God’s pattern of selfless love, is brought into God’s intimate circle (Prov. 3:32). The righteous one, who trusts in God’s provision and not his own performance, receives God’s backing for every endeavor (Prov. 3:33). The humble person, who considers others more important than himself, is given favor from the Lord (Prov. 3:34). The wise person, who never stops learning and loving, gets praise from the King of Heaven (Prov. 3:35).
God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. These two roads lead in opposite directions, and there’s not much room between them. Where do you fall?
[1] From Regan’s video I Walked On the Moon.
Do Not Plan Evil
In teaching about wisdom and humility, Solomon’s first warning was against keeping what we have; this one is against taking what we want.
Do not plan evil against your neighbor,
Who dwells trustingly beside you.
Do not contend with a man for no reason,
When he has done you no harm (Prov 3:29-30, ESV).
Wise people put others first, protecting their well-being. They don’t steal possessions by borrowing and not returning. They don’t steal time by not listening well. They don’t pick fights. They don’t argue about meaningless things. When a disagreement is significant, they work to persuade and woo, rather than coerce or manipulate.
Jozef N (2009), Creative Commons
“Do not contend” (Prov. 3:30) has a legal ring to it, referring to foolish lawsuits, but it implies much more than court proceedings. We ought to avoid damaging someone’s reputation needlessly. We ought to be as concerned for others’ reputations as we are for our own. Wise people don’t spread the dirt on others (Prov. 20:19), refusing even to listen to it (Prov. 26:20-22). Whenever they hear someone’s “concerns” about another person or group, they make sure to get the whole story before coming to any conclusions (Prov. 18:13, 17).
I must confess that I am guilty. I have jumped to conclusions about others. I have listened to bad reports, and I’ve spread them foolishly. I haven’t always done my research, making sure to hear all sides of a matter. I can think of times when my information was true, but still should not have been passed on (Prov. 25:7b-10). I once prided myself on my ability to discern what needed to change for any person in any situation, and all along I was the one who most needed to change.
When we put ourselves at the center, we commit all kinds of evil against others, and we train ourselves to make it look good and religious. We stop listening to the Word of Wisdom, and we listen instead to the world around us. For example, I once sat innocently in a fast food restaurant, and my cup started preaching at me. No joke. It said:
This cup makes a statement about you. It says, ‘Hey, look at me. I’m an ambitious yet responsible person.’ You could have gone larger, but you didn’t. You could have gone smaller, but again, you deferred. No, you know exactly what you want in life, nothing more, nothing less. It’s good when you have things your way.[1]
We fall for garbage like this all the time, but the Lord calls us out of a pat-yourself-on-the-back, you-know-what’s-best-for-you mindset. When we fear him, being open to change, our focus steadily moves off ourselves and onto others. Our pride melts, and loving others becomes our delight. Before we know it, our relationship with the Lord hits fifth gear.
[1] Printed on the cup of a Burger King® medium-sized soft drink.
