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Prepare Yourself to Resist Sexual Immorality

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According to Proverbs 7:1-5, your battle with sexual immorality begins by writing God’s words of wisdom on your heart. You can’t wait until your hormones kick in before deciding how to honor God with your body.

This week I’d like to take that main point and run it through the Application Matrix to generate a variety of potential applications.

Inward Application

The battle approaches. Time to lock and load.

Head

Do you believe this battle is worth fighting? Do you believe it’s possible to fight and win, or have you given up, thinking that immorality will simply characterize the rest of your days? What passages of Scripture most motivate you in this realm? Do you believe God’s Spirit working through the word is powerful enough to defeat the sin in your heart? Or do you expect to keep doing the same thing and get a different result?

Heart

Generation Bass, Creative Commons

Generation Bass, Creative Commons

What rules your heart? What have you written there? Can you quote the Hunger Games movies more readily than Scripture? Do you want things to be any different? I don’t just mean the guilt. I mean the holiness of life and denial of self that will produce true and lasting joy in knowing God.

Hands

Take time this week to memorize Proverbs 7:1-5. Write these words on the tablet of your heart. Cut a bit of time on social media to work on the memorization. Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and call understanding your intimate friend. Jesus is your best friend and counselor; get to know him better this week.

Outward Application

One of the best ways to get your focus off yourself is to consider others. As you build your influence for Christ and help others to write the word on their hearts, you can’t help but draw closer to the Lord yourself.

Head

Whom has God put in your life, whom you can serve and lead in godly wisdom? What Scripture passages would be good to help them write on their hearts?

Heart

How can you help others to value what the Lord values? How can you avoid merely giving people a list of rules and behaviors, and instead help them identify the desires of their hearts that lead them to commit immorality (pleasure, escape, control)?

Hands

Perhaps you can spend time this week practicing memory verses with those you lead. You can ask what they’re learning from the word. You can ask what will be their plan when they face temptation (how they can choose intimacy with Christ their wisdom over the false intimacy of pornography or immoral relationships).

Conclusion

God wants to change specific people in specific ways and so conform them to the image of Christ. Reading, writing, and speaking about immorality won’t guarantee change. Only repentance and obedience show our faith to be true. Will you work out your salvation this week, even as God works his perfect will in you?

How to Resist Sexual Immorality

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Christian Mayrhofer (2009), Creative Commons

Christian Mayrhofer (2009), Creative Commons

We know easy sex will keep us from being wise. We know it will beat us down and knock us out. We know it can’t deliver what it promises.

But we still struggle with it because we’re prone to get the order of things all wrong. In the moment of temptation, we set aside the true God and bow to the god of self. We live for our comfort, our pleasure, our escape, our desire.

In those moments, we think truth becomes relative. Righteousness becomes undesirable. God appears absent. Self-actualization is everything.

Thus, Solomon’s counsel for resisting immorality doesn’t land where we usually land. We want to know what is the best internet filtering software. We want to find others who will hold us accountable.

But Solomon gets radical. He shows us how to restore things to their proper order, so we might bow to none but him who is all in all. What would it look like for you to live for such a gracious Master?

1. Guard the Commands

My son, keep your father’s commandment,
and forsake not your mother’s teaching. (Prov 6:20)

The word “keep” involves not only obeying but also guarding. Keep room in your life for time with Christ in his word. Participate actively in opportunities to hear the word and be known by others who will speak the word to you.

You will protect and defend what is most important to you. If your pleasure is most important, you’ll always find a way to gratify it. But if the Lord’s pleasure is most important, you’ll find ways to bask in it.

And when you’re alone at night, after a stressful day, you’ll face that tantalizing choice—the choice that is always a choice, because you’re not an innocent victim. You don’t have to be a slave to what will kill you.

By the power of God’s Holy Spirit, you can choose one thing and not another. You can guard the commands, dive into the Scripture, and drown yourself in its glory. You can set aside your self-love.

2. Memorize the Word

Bind them on your heart always;
tie them around your neck. (Prov 6:21)

In the heat of temptation, God’s grace may lead you to remember that “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away” (Prov 6:32-33). With the truth readily available to you, would it be easier to fight the lies?

And at just the right moments, the Lord might remind you to “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Prov 5:18).

3. Serve the Lord

When you walk, they will lead you;
when you lie down, they will watch over you;
and when you awake, they will talk with you. (Prov 6:22)

We all serve something. We walk, lie down, and awake with our master’s will on our minds. As much as we like to think of ourselves as masters, we’re created to be servants.

Why not serve the best, most gracious Master? God promises you life, and he’s the only God who can actually give it. Idols can never give us what they promise.

You don’t need sex to make you happy. Whether you’re single, widowed, married to someone disobedient to the word, or married to a mature believer, you can bow to the lover of your soul and lay down your life for others as he did for you.

4. Annihilate the Folly

For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light,
and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life. (Prov 6:23)

Wisdom reproves you. Hear the rebuke and stop doing what you’re doing. You always have a choice.

Stop (Prov 1:22)! Turn (Prov 1:23)! I’ll give you my spirit (Prov 1:23)! Listen (Prov 2:1-2)! Call out (Prov 2:3-4)! Don’t forget (Prov 3:1)! Receive life (Prov 6:23)!

I have not lived as purely as I ought. Time and again, I fail to do what is right. What hope is there for struggling sinners like me?

“The reproofs of discipline are the way of life.” Do you want life? God delights to give it, so come to him and get your fill.

Change, Part 3: Wisdom Comes Out the Fingertips

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Wisdom comes in the ears, through the heart, and out the fingertips. This week, we explore the last step in the chain.

Put away from you crooked speech,
And put devious talk far from you.
Let your eyes look directly forward,
And your gaze be straight before you.
Ponder the path of your feet;
Then all your ways will be sure.
Do not swerve to the right or to the left;
Turn your foot away from evil (Prov. 4:24-27).

Hans Kylberg (2007), Creative Commons

Hans Kylberg (2007), Creative Commons

The last step in the formula takes place when wisdom moves from the heart and out through our fingertips.  These verses speak of “speech,” “talk” (Prov. 4:24), “eyes,” “forward,” “gaze” (Prov. 4:25), “ponder,” “path,” “feet,” “ways” (Prov. 4:26), “right,” “left,” and “foot” (Prov. 4:27). Solomon clearly has in mind everything we do, so I’ll use the image of “fingertips,” out of which seep our everyday choices.

Once wisdom changes who we are, it inevitably affects everything we do. As we listen to wisdom and seek it out, we must consider both how it can sink in more deeply (the heart) and how it can shape us more broadly (the fingertips). What would it look like for you to request help with your money, marriage, singleness, career path, parenting, cooking, hospitality, leadership potential, education, job performance, spiritual life, outreach, eating habits, hobbies, Bible study skills, love life, communication, decision-making process, and vision for life? In which other areas would you like to grow in wisdom? Where are you stuck in difficult situations or bad patterns? Remember: Wisdom has to come in the ears, through the heart, and out the fingertips.

It doesn’t matter what candidates for change you have in mind. It doesn’t matter if it’s a new skill to develop or an old habit to break. It doesn’t matter if there’s exquisite joy or agonizing pain. It doesn’t matter if your history is one of failure or of success.

What matters is that God wants you to change for the better, and he’s throwing the full weight of his resources behind the change movement. Jesus rose from the grave so he could make all things new. If you fear the Lord, you have much reason to hope for the best.

One of my children often used to say “I give up” when something was too hard. I say to you what I often said to that child: “That’s the one thing you must never do. Jesus didn’t give up on you. Let’s trust him, and see what he can do next.”

SNEAK PEEK:

We often struggle with the greatest shame and defeat in the realm of sexual sin. Many people feel stuck there, so in Proverbs 5, 6, and 7, Solomon provides a mini-series on wise sexuality. We’ll begin the series next week by applying some Bible dynamite to calcified cultural stereotypes about sexuality.

Change, Part 2: Wisdom Comes Through the Heart

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Wisdom comes in the ears, through the heart, and out the fingertips. This week, we explore the second step in the chain.

Let them not escape from your sight;
Keep them within your heart.
For they are life to those who find them,
And healing to all their flesh.
Keep your heart with all vigilance,
For from it flow the springs of life (Prov. 4:21-23).

Bill Ward (2009), Creative Commons

Bill Ward (2009), Creative Commons

We find the second part of the formula in verses 21-23. When we plug in to God’s wisdom, and it enters our lives through the ears, we need to connect it to the motherboard. If we bypass the processor and run everything right off RAM, it has no longevity. The moment we power the computer down, we lose our data. We must keep the words within our hearts (Prov. 4:21) and keep our hearts with all vigilance (Prov. 4:23).

For the non-technical folk out there, what I just wrote means that when we hear wisdom, it won’t produce change in us until it affects who we are. “The heart” is one of the chief biblical images for our inner selves: thoughts, beliefs, emotions, character, desires, dreams, fears, and conscience.[1] “Heart” in the Old Testament might be what you got if you combined all the following modern-day terms: mind, will, heart, and conscience.

The Bible says that the heart is the command center from which we manage our lives. When we keep the wise words of life in our hearts (Prov. 4:21), they get passed on to the rest of the flesh (Prov. 4:22) because from the heart flow the springs of life (Prov. 4:23).

Any attempt to change that does not pass through the heart is therefore shallow and temporary. I can learn skills by rote, but I haven’t really changed if they haven’t changed who I am.

For example, if I study for a test, pass it, and quickly forget the material, I haven’t really learned it (it hasn’t hit my heart). If a child wrongs another child, is forced by an adult to apologize and does so sarcastically, we wouldn’t label it remorse. When a man tells his wife he loves her, but covertly keeps a mistress, we have reason to question whether his love is true. If a needy person requests charity from a church, the leaders are right to help relieve the immediate burden while also exploring whether the person could make different choices to avoid having the same need again.

The main point is that wisdom gets us unstuck and changes us by changing who we are.

[1] The other common image is “kidneys” as in Job 16:13, Psalm 139:13, Rev 2:23, etc.

Change, Part 1: Wisdom Comes in the Ears

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Wisdom comes in the ears, through the heart, and out the fingertips (Prov. 4:20-27). This week, we explore the first step in the chain.

My son, be attentive to my words;
Incline your ear to my sayings (Prov. 4:20).

Sudarshan V (2008), Creative Commons

Sudarshan V (2008), Creative Commons

Verse 20 describes the first part of the formula. Wisdom enters through our ears. Solomon explained in 2:1-4 that our listening must involve both passively receiving and actively seeking. Here, he alludes to both components: “be attentive” involves reception, and “incline your ear” implies pursuit. We’ve been over this ground before, but we need to hear it many times for it to become second nature.

This part of the formula involves reading the Bible, hearing it preached in church, and seeking godly fellowship, among other things. The key idea is that wisdom comes from outside of us. You can’t find wisdom by looking within.

This idea is the opposite of Disney’s “follow your heart” ideology.

It conflicts with Obi-Wan Kenobi’s advice to “search your feelings.” It is altogether different from a self-esteem approach to education.

See Everything Change

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If you memorize only one passage from all of Proverbs, it should be Prov 4:20-27. This passage outlines the process of change. It shows us how to get unstuck. It describes how wisdom works in us.

Ages ago, I defined wisdom as a continual striving to know and do what the Bible says. We’ve considered at length what it looks like for us to travel this path of wisdom; now we learn how wisdom travels its path in us.

Mark this formula:

Wisdom comes in the ears, through the heart, and out the fingertips.

Wisdom isn’t so much about what you do as it is about who you are. Miss this fact, and you’ll jump to chapters 10-31 and read each proverb moralistically (contrary to the expectation set up in Prov. 1-9). So Prov. 10:1 becomes about keeping your parents happy. Prov. 11:22 appears to mean that beauty is only skin deep. And Prov. 25:21-22 encourages you to be nice to people and wait out your revenge.

Mark Tighe (2009), Creative Commons

Mark Tighe (2009), Creative Commons

Such approaches are not completely wrong. But when we understand the process of change—and especially the need for wisdom to land in our hearts before taking off into our actions—we see the wise instruction of Prov. 10-31 for what it is: the description of redeemed and transformed people. Not a list of behaviors that win approval from God or men.

To illustrate: We have a problem with water in our basement. We fixed a downspout. We re-routed a gutter. We installed a removal/drain system. We’ve guided the water’s behavior in the right direction. And we’ve reduced the flood to a puddle, but we haven’t yet solved the problem.

We need to dig. We’ll have to remove the deck so we can re-grade the soil beneath it. We need to get to the foundation so we can brace it against the buckling pressure.

That’s how wisdom works. It comes from outside and gets under your skin and into your heart. It penetrates the depths of your character and beliefs. Then it works its way out into your actions. It comes in the ears, through the heart, and out the fingertips.

Over the next 3 weeks, we’ll walk through Prov. 4:20-27 and explore each piece of the formula in greater depth.

The Second Result of Listening

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When we listen to wisdom, we’ll keep becoming wiser.  What does it look like for us to walk this path?  Here are some ideas:

  • Ask God for wisdom every day.  No, scratch that; make it every hour.
  • In every situation, ask yourself, “What can I learn here?”
  • Learn how to study the Bible.  (Here’s some help.  And more help.)  Meet regularly with others to discuss it.
  • Ask other people how they think you could grow.
  • Read a chapter of Proverbs every day.  That way, you’ll cover the whole book each month.  I did this for years and developed a notebook of topics.  I picked one topic each month, and every day I’d write down which verses addressed that topic.  This notebook became a useful resource that I still use.

If wisdom has entered your heart, and the fear of the Lord characterizes you, then you will love instruction.  In particular, you will love God’s instruction, which means you’ll draw steadily closer to him.  Don’t let your life slip by without careful attention.

Image-Jonathan_EdwardsBy the time he turned 21, American theologian Jonathan Edwards had written 70 personal commitments (he called them “resolutions”) for his walk with Christ.  They included things like speaking words that build up, managing his time well, and being a trustworthy person.  Most noteworthy is his commitment to consciously trust in Jesus, especially when he felt on top of the world.  Item #53 states:

“Resolved, to improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer.”

At the top, right before the first item on the list, he wrote this statement: “Remember to read over these Resolutions once a week.”  Here was a man who understood his natural tendency to drift from the path of wisdom and who set himself to give careful attention that he might not do so.

To summarize where we are in the argument of Prov 2:1-10: If you persevere at listening carefully to wisdom, you will grow to love wisdom.  Your proud, selfish heart will melt, liberating you to make different choices every day.  You’ll be heading in the right direction, growing closer to Jesus and becoming more like him.

The Second Result of Listening

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If we passively receive and actively seek wisdom, then two things will happen: We’ll start being wise, and we’ll keep becoming wiser.  Last week, we examined the first result.  This week, we’ll address the second one.

Then you will understand righteousness and justice
And equity, every good path;
For wisdom will come into your heart,
And knowledge will be pleasant to your soul (Prov 2:9-10, ESV).

You’ll keep becoming wiser.  Proverbs 2:9 states that “you will understand righteousness and justice and equity, every good path.”  Does that list – righteousness, justice, and equity – ring any bells?  You may recall the same phrase from 1:3 where Solomon listed his second purpose for the book of Proverbs: that we would not just know the right thing to do, but also do it.

Here in chapter 2, he promises that, if we listen to wisdom, we will understand every good path.  In other words, we won’t just become wise; we’ll keep on living wisely.  We begin the journey of wisdom (Prov 2:5) and continue walking along it every moment of every day in every little decision we make (Prov 2:9).

Why is this the case?  Because “wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul” (Prov 2:10).  You’ve survived a “hostile takeover.”  Your heart is now filled with and mastered by wisdom, rather than by your own simplicity that leads to folly.  Your desires have changed, becoming more like God’s own desires.  You now find knowledge to be pleasant and not something to be despised.  (See Pro 1:7.)  You are now a different person, free to make different choices.

"Marathon Medalists" by Mostly Dans (2012), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License

“Marathon Medalists” by Mostly Dans (2012), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License

The type of listening that produces such constant change is not something that can be completed after a few tries.

It’s a persevering discipline.  As we live a life of wisdom, our need for listening grows more, not less.  Remember how Solomon stopped listening and became a fool?  Don’t follow his example!  Keep receiving and keep seeking.  Then you won’t be like the marathon runner who was disqualified because he hopped on a bus for part of the race.  Be a finisher, not just a starter.  The end of your life is far more important than its beginning (Ecc 7:8).

How to Listen to Wisdom, Part 2

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Yesterday, we saw that the first step to becoming wise is to passively receive wisdom.  The second step is to actively seek it.

“Search-Engine-Marketing” by Danard Vincente, shared under Creative Commons Attribution License

3Yes, if you call out for insight
And raise your voice for understanding,
4If you seek it like silver
And search for it as for hidden treasures (Prov 2:3-4, ESV).

Solomon commands us to listen actively.  Passive reception is not enough.  Prov 2:3-4 instructs us to move on to active seeking.  We must call out and raise our voices for understanding.  We must seek wisdom as we would silver or a hidden treasure.  If a woman lost her wedding ring, she would tear the house apart until she found it.  She wouldn’t just wait passively for it to reappear.

We can relate to this image, because we’re all treasure seekers.  We arrange our lives to accommodate what’s most important to us.  That’s why we bother to get married.  That’s why we drag ourselves out of bed for 8:00 AM classes.  That’s why we make peace with the long commute to the office.  That’s why we stay up late for midnight cinematic premieres.  That’s why spend so long in front of the mirror before leaving the house each day.  That’s why we go into debt.  That’s why we’ll upheave our lives and relocate closer to our grandchildren.

If I fail to grow in wisdom, it’s not because I didn’t receive enough help.  If I am not being fed spiritually, I am responsible to find food.  If you are a teacher or a leader, you should not wait for people to give you suggestions for improvement; you should take initiative to ask for them.  If you’re married, don’t wait for your spouse to bring up concerns; instead, regularly ask, “How do you think our marriage is going?”  Consider asking someone to mentor you.  If you want to understand the Bible better, plan time right in your schedule.  If you don’t have a schedule, now would be a great time to make one.

To summarize: If you want to become wise, you must listen to wisdom.  Listening involves both receiving it eagerly and seeking it passionately.

How to Listen to Wisdom, Part 1

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“Joe in His Ear Protectors” by Fimb (2009), shared under Creative Commons Attribution License

The first step to becoming wise is to listen to wisdom.

1My son, if you receive my words
And treasure up my commandments with you,
2Making your ear attentive to wisdom
And inclining your heart to understanding (Prov 2:1-2, ESV)

Solomon begins the chapter with a big “IF.”  Receiving, treasuring, attending, inclining, calling out, raising your voice, seeking, and searching all boil down to one weighty concept: listening.  He already commanded us to “hear” in Prov 1:8.  He regretted our refusal to “listen” in Prov 1:24.  He’ll come back to the topic of listening again in Prov 3:1, 21; 4:1, 10, 20; 5:1; 7:24; 8:6, and Prov 8:32.  Listening is no small theme in Proverbs 1-9.

What does it mean to listen to wisdom?  He breaks it down into two pieces: passive receiving and active seeking.  We’ll cover the first piece today and the second piece tomorrow.

First, he commands us to listen passively in Prov 2:1-2.  There are many times when we don’t ask for advice, but it comes anyway.  It might come in a form we like: a powerful sermon, a gentle rebuke, or a kind reminder.  It might come in a form we don’t like: an angry critic, a disconsolate child, or a disgruntled coworker.  Whatever shape wisdom takes, the question remains the same: Will you receive it?  We’re like desperately hungry babies, and the food is placed right in our mouths.  Will we munch on it or spit it out?

In other words, we ought to pay attention to the Bible and delight in it.  We must be receptive to what wise people say – or even to wise things foolish people say – and avoid shifting blame or making excuses.  In reading God’s Word or in having it explained to us, we should be broken and changed by it.  Are you approachable?  How do you handle criticism?  Are you willing to address weakness or failure?  Do you have the courageous humility to focus more on how you need to grow than on how others need to grow?  A mark of the wise Christian is the constant watching out for logs in or around his eye (Matt 7:1-5).