Vulnerability | Knowable Word

Ten Characteristics of a Great Small Group Member

August 10, 2015 By Ryan Higginbottom

Both inside and outside of the church, we talk a lot about the characteristics of leaders. And rightly so. For any organization, leaders cast the vision, set the goals, and model the actions.

We hear far less about followers. This, despite the fact followers far outnumber leaders!

What Makes a Good Follower?

cassandra (2012), Creative Commons License

We have lots of resources devoted to leading small group Bible studies. But what if you’re not the leader? What if you’re eager to glorify God by attending a Bible study?

Here are ten traits found in a great small group member. If you are attending a small group, make these qualities your target and the subject of your prayers.

What is a great small group member like?

He is a servant. The ideal small group member knows that he has an important role within his group. While he expects to be blessed by attending his small group, he sees the opportunity to bless others through his actions, words, and prayers. He relishes his opportunity to bear the burdens of his brothers and sisters in the Lord.
He is committed to the Bible. He values his friends and their contributions, but his highest authority is the Bible. He knows that cursory and thoughtless readings don’t honor God, so he pushes himself and his friends to dig again and again into the Scriptures. He works hard to keep his Bible study skills sharp.
He is open-minded. He is willing to change his mind when presented with compelling Biblical evidence. His convictions are shaped by God’s unchangeable word.
He listens. He values what others say. He knows that the Holy Spirit gives wisdom about the Bible through the insights of fellow believers. Because he cares for his friends, he is eager to hear how God is at work in their lives.
He is compassionate. He prays for his friends and follows up on those requests. He sends notes of encouragement to those who are fighting for joy in God.
He engages. He answers questions from the leader, and he poses questions himself. When the discussion drifts, he points the group back to the text. He gently draws out those who are shy, and he asks the bold to justify their claims from the Bible.
He is prepared. He labors before his group gathers so the meeting will have maximum impact.
He is vulnerable. He bares his heart to his friends, knowing that honesty is a crucial weapon in the battle against sin.
He perseveres. He is committed to his group despite the imperfections of both the leader and the other group members. He knows that all sinners (including himself) can be difficult to love, and he extends to others the forgiveness and grace he wants for himself.
He is growing. While spiritual growth may be difficult to spot from one day to the next, when he looks back over the course of a year, he can see more of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. (See Gal 5:22–23.) This growth is no cause for pride, but he rejoices in God’s faithful love for him. This growth is inspirational and infectious within his small group.

If you measure yourself against this list and come up short, don’t lose heart. Jesus is the only one who followed any list of good behavior perfectly. If you are God’s child, you don’t earn his smile; rather, his smile never departs from you! This provides both the motivation and the power to work toward blessing your small group.

I’m sure this list is not complete. What characteristics would you add?

Let Down Your Guard to Keep Up the Fight

July 27, 2015 By Ryan Higginbottom

In the classic image of a gray, moat-encircled castle, the drawbridge is a crucial defense tool. When the bridge is up, enemies are exposed and archers have the advantage.

In this position the castle is isolated and cannot receive any food, supplies, or correspondence. Though dropping the bridge makes the castle vulnerable, a fearful king who won’t let others inside is in trouble of a different kind. The king falls if the bridge doesn’t.

Your Heart is a Castle

Georges Jansoone (2006), Creative Commons License

We shield our hearts from others without thinking. On one level, this is natural—we don’t need to reveal deep secrets in every conversation.

But some people don’t let anyone across the drawbridge. We need community to apply the Bible, and at its core a community is a network of close, honest friendships. Letting down our guard is difficult, but it isn’t just a nice idea to consider—it’s essential to growing as a Christian. Without friendships, our hearts starve like the paranoid king.

Small Group Prayer

A small group is an important place to build Biblical community. Your fellow group members may not start out as your dearest friends. But as you meet regularly and discuss the most important topics in the world, you create an environment where transformational vulnerability is possible.

Even a brief period of prayer can promote honest sharing in your group. These opportunities can embolden people to disclose themselves in ways that mark true friendship.

The group leader should encourage prayer requests that cannot be delivered in another setting. You can learn about Bob’s aunt’s cat’s bunion surgery by email without missing an opportunity to care for Bob. But when Bob confesses his anger or loneliness or gluttony, you are better equipped to bear his burden and love him if you can look him in the eyes and draw him into a conversation.

Assignment #1: Find one personal item to share during your next small group prayer time. What are the areas of your life in which you see great need for repentance and growth? How can you strengthen your group with stories of God’s provision or his deliverance from an entangling sin (Heb 12:1, NASB)?

Applying the Bible

Effective Bible study involves careful observation, intense interpretation, and penetrating application. Though it is the most uncomfortable part of the process, if we skip application we’ve missed the point.

Applying the Bible is more than just saying “pray more,” “read my Bible regularly,” “trust in Jesus,” or “focus on the Lord in everything.” Amen to these exhortations, but when application is not concrete it’s like trying to visit Greenland by “going north.”

Friends within your small group can help you get specific, but you need to open the door before they can walk through. Here are two keys: practicing application on your own, and being willing to discuss application (past and future) in detail.

The vocabulary isn’t all that important, but the more familiar you are with the categories of application, the more broadly and thoroughly others will be able to address your concerns during your small group meeting. As part of this process you must anticipate the particular resistance your flesh offers to change. If you can pinpoint your tendencies, you can enlist help to combat them.

You also need to be able to talk about application with your friends. When the Holy Spirit helps us connect the main point of a passage to an area of disobedience in our lives, we need to push through the fear and feelings of exposure that often ride shotgun. If you are willing to be specific about your sin and answer questions from your group members, you will be that much closer to the obedience you seek.

Assignment #2: For your next small group meeting, read the relevant Bible passage ahead of time and prepare some personal applications to discuss with your group. Remember that vulnerability inspires vulnerability, and if one person in a group is willing to talk honestly, others will as well.

Why Vulnerability is So Hard

August 1, 2014 By Peter Krol

Yesterday I arrived at one of those small but significant decision points that threaten my composure and test the limits of my willingness to be known. It came when my coworker greeted me with his usual, “How are you today?”

I earnestly sought a perfunctory “Fine, how are you?” so I could move on from the greeting and get on with my day, but it eluded me. The truth was that I was not fine. Twice in the last week I had pled with dear friends who were departing from the faith, one into false doctrine and another into immorality. Both cases of apostasy hit me hard, and I had mourned and prayed over them, wondering what on earth God was doing.

So I cracked open the door—”I’m pretty sad today”—and it was costly to do so. It cost me a measure of self-confidence and self-respect. It cost me a few minutes of my life to explain what I was sad about. It reopened the wound and renewed the pain. It sucked more energy out of me, as I tried to balance openness with self-control (to avoid gossip, venting, or speaking other words that wouldn’t edify).

But such vulnerability is Christlike, and by faith I trust it was worth it.

J (2008), Creative Commons

Why is it so hard for us to be vulnerable with one another? Why do we struggle to lead and to teach the Scripture with transparency? Why are we more attracted to a pretense of perfection or a veneer of imperturbability? I can think of at least 3 reasons.

Theological Reasons

I have heard pastors say they won’t tell personal stories from the pulpit because it would get in the way of representing Christ. They believe that for Christ to shine brightly, they must completely get out of the way. So in private they’re happy to share of their need for grace, but their preaching focuses much more on proclaiming the truth than on incarnating it.

This same sort of thinking shows up when Bible study leaders think only about how to apply the text to the group members and not about how to apply it to themselves. One sign of this struggle is when their preparation time doesn’t feel devotional and they need to schedule separate personal time with the Lord.

I greatly respect those who want to “get out of the way” so people can see Christ. This desire to serve others at great cost to oneself is a noble one.

But I think the attempt misfires, for we miss the fact that God shows people himself by showing himself to people. He doesn’t merely declare truth; he demonstrates the truth and lives it out. He became a man and perfected his power in weakness. He demonstrates his love by dying for sinners. He exposed and disgraced himself that he might lead us to glory.

And so John can say that while no-one has seen God, Jesus has made him known (John 1:18). But at the same time, while no-one has seen God, they will see him if we love one another (1 John 4:12). For them to see, we must give them something to see.

Personal Reasons

Some brave souls like Eric, who commented on last week’s post, perceive pride and fear as the greatest enemies to vulnerability.

We don’t want people to think less of us.
We fear losing our position or influence.
We don’t want to be a burden.
We don’t want to be laughed at or seen as mistaken or needy.

Perhaps we even feel like our reputation—or at least our self-perception of it—signifies our standing with God, such that God’s pleasure is shown through others’ pleasure and people’s displeasure betrays God’s displeasure.

Whatever the exact issue, we find our identity in something other than the finished work of Christ. We must not forget the guttural cry of him who bowed his head and gave up his spirit (John 19:30).

Practical Reasons

My biggest struggle, as I mentioned above, is that vulnerability is hard work. It’s costly, and I’m often unwilling to pay that cost.

Many in the “theological reason” camp react rightly against those who see their leadership as an opportunity for dealing with their personal demons. If I’m vulnerable for my sake—to cleanse my conscience or even to get people to feel sorry for me—I have missed the point. There’s a foolish sort of vulnerability that serves nobody but myself, but there’s also a wise sort of vulnerability that serves others deeply (for example, see 2 Corinthians 11-12).

This wise vulnerability takes an effort. It requires forethought and godly character. It demands unwavering confidence in Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Cor 12:10).

When you teach the Scripture, beware sanitized hypocrisy.

Beware Sanitized Hypocrisy

July 25, 2014 By Peter Krol

The third practice for preparing effective Bible studies is to allow the message to change you. The fact should be obvious, but so often it’s not: We can’t teach what we haven’t learned. Our words are just words if we can’t show them by our lives. Paul said, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Cor 11:1, ESV), but his exhortation would have fallen flat if he hadn’t opened his life for them to see (1 Cor 9:1-7, 15-23; 10:32-33).

I’ve been really challenged by this point lately, especially when I feel pressed for time in my teaching preparation. It’s so hard to deal with the log in my eye before I try to remove the speck from others’ eyes!

But the biblical word for leaders who say one thing but do another is “hypocrite.” Of course, I might successfully avoid aggressive forms of hypocrisy: preaching integrity while robbing the church, promoting purity while secretly indulging immorality, etc. But how often do I sanitize my hypocrisy, justifying my sins of omission while passionately promoting their opposite? For example:

Do I exhort people to confess their sins, but I never confess mine?
Do I oppose pride and promote humility, but I’m afraid to let anyone see me when I’m weak?
Do I preach about how much people need the grace of Christ, but I don’t reveal an inch of my own need for the grace of Christ?
Do I urge people to love one another, but I believe my leadership position prevents me from having any close friends?
Do I want people to be open to feedback, but I never ask for it myself?

Shepherds shepherd, and leaders lead. This means they go out in front and don’t ask people to do anything they haven’t done first. So before Jesus asked Peter to feed his lambs and die (John 21:15-19), he was the Good Shepherd who laid down his own life for the sheep (John 10:11). So also Paul can beg the Corinthians to open wide their hearts to him after his heart was opened wide to them (2 Cor 6:11-13). And Jonathan can call his armor bearer to come up after him; Jonathan goes first to make them fall, and the armor bearer simply mops up after him (1 Sam 14:12-13).

This kind of leadership requires two kinds of vulnerability:

When preparing to lead a study, we must allow the text to change us.
When leading the study, we must explain how the text has changed us.

rikdom (2007), Creative Commons

This means that I must apply the Scripture to myself before I try to apply it to anyone else. And when appropriate, I must be willing to share these lessons to give people a model for how the text can change them. After practicing these things, I’ll be in a position to suggest further applications for others.

Hear Jesus’ warning against those who wouldn’t do what they asked others to do:

The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses’ seat, so practice and observe whatever they tell you – but not what they do. For they preach, but do not practice. They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger. They do all their deeds to be seen by others. For they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long, and they love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces and being called rabbi by others. But you are not to be called rabbi, for you have one teacher, and you are all brothers. And call no man your father on earth, for you have one Father, who is in heaven. Neither be called instructors, for you have one instructor, the Christ. The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted. (Matt 23:2-12)

I have some ideas about why such vulnerability is so difficult, and I’ll write about them next week. But in the meantime, I’d like to hear what you think. Question: Why do you think it’s hard for us to be vulnerable in our leadership?